‘The Iliad’ for dummies

SUSANNE PEREZ

The movie “Troy” is loosely based on the ancient, epic poem “The

Iliad” by Homer. It has all the elements of a great film -- sweeping

heroism and horror, as men and gods battle wits and wills to a tragic

end.

But perhaps writer David Benioff and director Wolfgang Petersen

thought that such a tale would be too lofty for the average multiplex

viewer. So they diluted the story and added the standard summer

blockbuster package: buffed action figures, swords, sandals, mega-CGI

effects, blood, gore and giant fiery balls of twine. And, of course,

there’s a plethora of good-looking actors.

The gloriously golden Brad Pitt, as the legendary warrior

Achilles, is the real reason to see this movie. He has obviously

worked out and exfoliated for months in preparation for his role.

This is not just a fearless warrior who defiles temples and drags the

body of his enemy in front of his family. He’s also a sensitive, New

Age guy who obviously moisturizes after he washes all the blood and

guts off from every battle.

Blame it all on nubile, blond Helen of Sparta when she runs away

with wimpy pretty boy Paris (Orlando Bloom) back to his kingdom in

Troy. Helen’s husband, King Menelaus, gets a little ticked and asks

his bully of a brother, King Agamemnon, for assistance in avenging

his honor. Agamemnon (the wonderful Brian Cox) was only looking for

an excuse for his powerful armies to invade and conquer Troy --

although they had no weapons of mass destruction.

Achilles is the fiercest, bravest, baddest dude in all of Greece

and he tags along with those famous 1,000 ships over to Troy -- not

because of allegiance to any king, but because this is the type of

stuff that makes legends. Think of the money he could have made off

the merchandising rights!

Paris’ older brother, the valiant Prince Hector (Eric Bana),

stands by his brother’s foolish actions even though it means a long

and bitter war for his country. Meanwhile, their lovely cousin

Briseis, who had taken vows as a virgin priestess, willingly chucks

it aside when she becomes Achilles’ war trophy (and, of course, that

troublesome heel everybody still talks about).

The battle scenes are impressive, especially when the principals

go mano-a-mano in the best movie tradition. Veteran actor Peter

O’Toole (“Lawrence of Arabia”) gives an excellent performance as King

Priam, who must watch his sons Hector and Priam get their butts

kicked in battle.

And let’s not forget that legendary Trojan Horse, an 11-ton

creation that signals doom for Priam and his people. Up until that

point in the film, the only thing more wooden was Brad Pitt’s

performance.

* SUSANNE PEREZ lives in Costa Mesa and is an executive assistant

for a financial services company.

‘Rules’ of style but not of substance

In spite of its name, “Breakin’ All The Rules” conforms to every

Hollywood rule for easy-going romantic comedies.

Director Daniel Taplitz provides humorous insights into the urban

dating scene while making sure he never crosses the line into R-rated

territory.

This PG-13 effort takes a mild turn on the genre by placing

African-American yuppies at the center of its soft-core “Sex in the

City” formula.

Jamie Foxx does a fine job playing magazine editor Quincy Watson

who loses his job in a classic corporate downsizing. He uses his

newly found free time to write a book. He takes the cold-hearted

concepts his company used to lay off employees and turns them into

methods to dump your lovers before they dump you. His cynical

break-up manual becomes a bestseller and changes every aspect of his

life in a way that only viewers younger than 25 might find

interesting. Gabrielle Union and Jennifer Esposito are appropriate as

the hot babes at the center of testosterone attention.

What follows is an extended comedy of errors where good intentions

go awry as all the major characters try to hide their secrets from

their paramours. There are some snappy satirical observations about

dating in the 21st century sprinkled throughout the screenplay. But

for the most part, the story remains highly predictable and unfolds

according to its planned formula. There’s some great music and

editing in this good-natured film. But at its best, the core story is

lots of amusing style with little substance.

* JOHN DEPKO is a Costa Mesa resident and a senior investigator

for the Orange County public defender’s office.