Sometimes you win, sometimes you lose

STEVE SMITH

Farewell, Lolita.

If you missed it, Lolita Harper claims that due to some shifting

of duties at the Pilot, Friday’s column was her last. Most of us will

miss her almost-26-year-old observations but few of us believe that

it was her final Thinking Allowed column. She will be back for more

one of these days.

Her farewell comments -- all good -- read a bit like that college

commencement address that author Kurt Vonnegut was reported to have

given a few years ago: Wear sunscreen, don’t sit too close to the

microwave, things of that nature. Vonnegut’s speech, if, in fact, he

really gave it, in turn sounded a lot like “All I Know I Learned in

Kindergarten.”

Lolita made a point of pointing out that competitive sports are,

well, competitive and if you’re going to put your kid on a team, be

prepared for both joy and disappointment. Those are mostly my words

but I believe the point is the same.

I’m sorry to report, parents, that Little League, soccer and other

organized sports are not all fun and they’re not always fair. Kids

often have high expectations going into a sport and when those dreams

fail to materialize, they become frustrated and bored.

Coaches can help with some of that, some of that they can’t. The

Little League team I’ve been coaching for the past four months has

had a disappointing season on the field. For that, I take full

responsibility. But while we haven’t been winning as much as we’d

like, I have to believe that the boys have picked up at least a few

baseball pointers and have also learned that being able to hold your

head up counts for something.

That’s the crucial point. Sure, I’d like to win -- everyone would

rather win. But if we’re going to lose, it had better be because we

got beat, not because we made it easier for someone else to win. That

scenario occurs when we don’t stay focused on the game and when we

decide that secondary issues are more important than being a good

sport or winning.

A secondary issue is being called out on a third strike that the

batter thought was a ball. In that situation, there isn’t a darn

thing anyone can or should do about it. The umpire isn’t going to

change his call so there’s no point in dwelling on it for a moment --

just move on to the next batter or the next play.

Another secondary issue is making an error on the field and

letting it affect the rest of your game. Here, kids are coached to

forget it and move on.

The amount of effort is the key. In fact, it’s everything. Giving

100% on the field in any sport means you have nothing to be sorry for

when the game is over. If you won, that victory is your reward. If

you lost, you at least take some satisfaction in knowing that you

tried and a better team beat you.

Kids don’t always understand that. In 2004, kids, mine included,

are brought up in an “instant society.” We are now conditioned to

have everything so quickly that the thought of having to work for

days, weeks, months or years to get the payoff is so overwhelming

that we don’t even start.

Every coach has the same variety of kids on their team. There are

the kids who have great skills, kids who will improve with time and

practice and kids whose destiny lies somewhere else.

We take what we have and do our best. Those of us who like to

coach always hope that everyone becomes a star but we’re really happy

if we can just help them enjoy the game for the pure competition.

Part of my problem is that I love to compete. Yes, I want to win,

but being in the hunt is where I get my kicks. I love a good fight.

That’s not always an easy or good thing for kids, who focus more on

the final score (and the snacks) and miss the thrill of the hunt.

Competition is good for kids. Handing out awards to too many kids

because we’re afraid of hurt feelings doesn’t do anyone any good. And

trying to make everything “fair” is no good either.

It’s sports. Sometimes you win, sometimes you lose. Sometimes you

play well and sometimes you don’t.

All I know, I learned in Little League.

Bye, Lolita! See you again, some day!

* STEVE SMITH is a Costa Mesa resident and a freelance writer.

Readers may leave a message for him on the Daily Pilot hotline at

(949) 642-6086.