Love and companionship has no age limit

AVIVA GOELMAN

In April, romance filled the air at the Costa Mesa Senior Center. As

the Senior Center’s director, it has been rewarding to see people

meet and form lasting relationships. In fact, one pair of love birds

will be marrying in September. A few other couples have become

live-in companions. Still others are quite content to simply date or

be good friends.

Numerous studies by medical scientists and demographers confirm

that we are all living many more years than previous generations. In

fact, those on the cusp of their golden years -- and our younger

generations -- can look forward to enjoying more years of healthy and

vigorous life than ever before.

Yet, in the latter years of their lives, seniors often find

themselves alone. And loneliness can be terribly debilitating. It

foments periods of anger, sadness, pain and grief. Often the question

is asked: “Why me?” Indeed, facing life alone after many years of

marriage or friendship is very difficult. It is all the more

difficult for today’s seniors, who grew up during an era when life

was a sheltered experience. They are not used to the independent

single lifestyle that many of today’s younger generation practice.

Many seniors find a way to struggle through their loneliness.

Companionship is a glimpse of light for them. And as new friendships

form, lonely seniors emerge from their solitude and seclusion with a

new sense of empowerment, the rediscovery of trust and a resolution

to replace feelings of self-doubt and hopelessness.

Through interviews I have conducted with several seniors at the

Senior Center, I have found that seniors have a realistic and upbeat

insight into companionship and enjoying life. We can better our own

lives by listening to what they have to say. Whether the subject was

of dating, long-term relationships or beginning new friendships, most

of the seniors I’ve spoken with talked of their lives with warmth and

candor.

One such couple met at the Senior Center during lunch. One in this

pair has been single for many years; the other is a recent widower.

They wanted to get to know each other better. One had many female

friends at the Senior Center and was happy with her daily routine.

The other was looking to learn how to laugh again. Both skeptical, as

they were set in their ways, they shared with me why their newfound

relationship works.

Important keys, they said, are keeping up with prior friendships

and learning to compromise and to respect each other. These

principles are true with female friends, male friends and lovers.

They know and accept, too, that there are things about their pasts

they can’t change or make go away. But they can stop them from

controlling their happiness. They have learned to better understand

their strengths and weaknesses and begun to once again enjoy life and

move on to the future rather than live in the past.

By leaving their “baggage” at home, they increase their

opportunity to learn what it is about this new person in their life.

Their interest isn’t in discovering what they don’t like about the

person, so they can launch into a mission to change them. They know

by their wisdom that we like and love those in our lives for who they

are, warts and all. And they accept them.

These seniors also know they need to live each day to its fullest.

Their experiences have taught them that lasting relationships are

constructed slowly, are courted one day at a time. This builds

understanding, then friendship. And friendship leads to a deeper

relationship. They value courtship and all its trimmings -- quiet

dinners, moonlight and music, and small gifts. These, they say, are

the simple but deeply meaningful gestures that build a future

together.

It’s very important to many seniors to learn the practice of best

behavior in the development of new relationships. The simple act of

holding a hand, giving compliments, listening, showing affection and

dusting off words like “please” and “thank you” are pillars of

friendship building.

As we look to celebrate the wonderful years of our seniors’ lives,

we discover that there are very few ceremonies marking the

significance of longevity. At the Senior Center, we strive to mark

milestones in a memorable way. For instance, the Senior Center will

be hosting a party to celebrate our seniors who have reached the

wonderful age of 80. I invite all of you who have reached this

magical age to share your stories, memories and blessings with all of

us on Friday, June 18, from 11 a.m. to 1 p.m. For more information,

please call (949) 645-2356.

If you are a senior looking for the companionship of your peers,

come to the Senior Center and take classes that are of interest to

you. Whether you participate in arts and crafts, computer classes,

dance classes, health and fitness, fun and games, painting, personal

enrichment support groups or just enjoy lunch, you are certain to

find new friends -- and perhaps romance.

I am blessed to have the unique opportunity to work with so many

special seniors from whom I learn new things every day. Our elderly

don’t have to be youngsters in old bodies, wondering what happened.

They can be seniors with a youngster’s zest for life, friendship and

discovery.

* AVIVA GOELMAN is the executive director of the Costa Mesa Senior

Center and will write occasional columns about the center, its

members and senior issues.