Smith off-point and Doe shares blame

I think the gang-rape trial of Greg Haidl, Kyle Nachreiner and Keith

Spann was a waste of taxpayer money the first time, and it will be a

terrible waste of much-needed resources the second time around. After

all, we are in a state budget crisis.

I am also commenting on Steve Smith’s column from May 29 regarding

the gang-rape trial (“Rape trial isn’t about lying”).

I have never much agreed with Smith’s viewpoint, and once again I

don’t agree with him. Smith stated that teenagers lie all of the

time. They lie about their friends, and they lie about what they do

and where they go. I was taken aback by his comments, and I wondered

what kind of a relationship this man had with his own children in

order for him to make such an out-there comment. All teenagers don’t

lie, and I resent that Smith would make such a global allegation

regarding our youth, given that he is a columnist who I’m sure a good

part of the community looks up to.

Smith needs to be a bit more understanding of what our kids go

through and the peer pressure that is upon them, especially here in

Newport-Mesa. Being a teenager is difficult at best. Drugs, alcohol

and sex are readily available to kids in our high schools, mostly

because of lack of parental involvement and partially because of the

affluence here. Our kids are constantly competing for popularity and

acceptance, and sometimes they engage in activities because they are

bored and can’t think of anything better to do. (I learned this when

I volunteered and taught through Project Self-Esteem in our school).

I have three children, including a teenage daughter. My daughter

is a sweet-natured girl and an excellent student, but she has begun

to have her share of typical, minor teenage troubles. The one thing I

respect most about my daughter is that she doesn’t lie to me, and she

doesn’t make excuses for what she has done wrong. I feel that the

reason my daughter is willing and able to tell me the truth is

because we talk, and I listen to her. I am very involved in her life.

I don’t force activities on her but let her choose her activities. I

direct her but don’t dictate to her. And yes, I discipline her. I

don’t overreact, and I make it easier for her to tell me the truth

than for me to find out about the matter second hand.

I use my daughter as an example here, because I know that all

teenagers don’t lie.

Now, let’s get to Smith’s comments about Greg Haidl, son of Orange

County Assistant Sheriff Don Haidl, and his two friends, who

allegedly victimized Jane Doe.

Jane Doe, at 16 years old, was a mixed-up, confused little girl

who sure could have used some parenting before her life got so out of

control.

She lied to her parents. She was dating one boy, but had sex with

his two friends. She was filmed having sex with one of the boys.

Defense attorneys said she voluntarily jumped into a pool and began

having sex with one of the boys within 10 minutes of meeting him. And

she was drinking heavily. I don’t condone what the boys did with her

-- I am appalled by it. But for these boys to face a 55-year jail

term is just not right. These boys lacked judgment and parental

influence, but it does not appear that they are hardened criminals

that are a threat to society. They are all very confused, misguided

youth that probably watched one too many episodes of “Jackass” and

other such ridiculous shows. I’m sure that if these boys are not

retried or are retried and exonerated, they will grow up to be decent

dads and will never again be involved with such extremely dangerous,

stupid, degrading behavior. I do not think that these boys would have

done these things with Doe had they believed that she would have

objected.

Further, why does the media focus primarily on the Haidl boy, when

all three boys were equally involved? Does money or societal stature

play a role here?

I hope that we as a community can learn from this tragic incident

and that we can use the circumstances to guide and counsel our own

children about the dangers of promiscuous partying and out-of-control

behavior. And I hope Smith can think twice about portraying our youth

as habitual liars, which leads me to another point: Maybe we should

approve the expansion of St. Andrew’s Church, which could lead to a

little bigger youth program for our kids to be involved with, instead

of engaging in this kind of atrocious behavior. But that is an entire

letter all in itself.

KRISTY NEUBO

Newport Beach