Wake up and smell the champagne

FLO MARTIN

Steve Bolton’s Aug. 15 cartoon of an elderly woman sipping her

morning coffee while scanning the headlines inspired a loud guffaw in

our household. My first thought was: “Lady, wake up and smell your

coffee! Maybe in your day, accepted behavior for 19-year old boys included staying away from alcohol, drugs and teen girls. Nowadays,

only in your dreams.”

As a parent of teenage kids 20 years ago, I had the same

delusions. Not my kids, no way. They don’t do drugs. They don’t

drink. They are being raised in a good home where alcohol and drugs

are not a factor. Boy, was I naive! That proverbial wool really

blocked my vision to the point where I was blind to the truth.

The truth? Even as pre-teens, our kids could get a hold of beer.

Kids would hide in the bushes on a local grammar school campus and

hit the bottle. Ah, the delights of forbidden fruit. And the scene

didn’t change much through high school. Dad knew the score and warned

the kids of a fate worse than death. Mom, on the other hand, was

totally clueless!

Once in college, “entertainment drugs” hit the scene. Going to

parties, getting drunk and getting stoned was a regular thing on

campus. One of the kids even quit a fraternity at UCLA because he

couldn’t stand the overwhelming party atmosphere there.

As a teacher of teenagers from the late 1970s to 2003, I witnessed

drunken and drugged behavior in my classroom. One such incident

involved a young sophomore boy who kind of rolled into class, slid

into his seat near the front of the room, lay his head down and

promptly passed out. This was the last class of the day, so I figured

he needed some sleep and just left him alone. At the end of class, he

was still out, so I motioned to the rest of the students to leave

quietly. My evil plan worked. He awoke about 30 minutes later, jumped

out of his seat yelling, “I’ve missed football practice! Boy, is

coach ever going to be mad!” Oh, well, too bad, so sad.

Another of my students missed class right after lunch. At the end

of the day, a vice principal entered my classroom and informed me

that the girl was found completely drunk after lunch and had to be

“poured” into a family car and taken home.

On many, many occasions, students strolled into my classroom

feeling very mellow. And, believe me, my nose isn’t extra-long for

nothing. This nose really works! It has a life all its own. Wafts of

marijuana didn’t go unnoticed. I was on the phone to the vice

principal so fast, the kids didn’t know what hit them. One kid

apparently was a repeat offender and ended up in a military school

somewhere out of state.

These types of events often prompted me to use the “teachable

moment” and just sit down with the class and talk about drug and

alcohol abuse. Often, I would put out the question, “How would you

feel if I came to class drunk or stoned?” and then encourage

brainstorming and discussion. Regularly, the kids would suggest a

feeling of disappointment, of feeling cheated or angry. Eventually,

they would understand that adults feel the same way -- disappointed,

cheated, angry -- when young people take advantage of their parents’

trust.

At both of the high schools where I spent my 26-year career, some

parents openly condoned teen drinking. Some parents rented limousines

for the kids for a prom and provided booze to drink. Another bunch of

parents actually rented a full-sized bus and helped the kids load

huge picnic coolers full of liquor onto the bus. Thank goodness, a

vice principal insisted on climbing onto the bus before the kids left

the school parking lot and literally uncovered the contraband

bottles. Many of my chaperone assignments were school dances, which

included “girls’ bathroom” duty. I can’t tell you how many girls I’ve

seen drunk and vomiting into the toilets. Sick, sick, sick and way

too young.

These kids were also way too young in other ways. Some of my

students confided to me of rape and pregnancies. Current statistics

show that the U.S. has the highest rate of teen pregnancies of all

industrialized nations. In 2000, California ranked seventh nationally

in teen pregnancy rate, 23rd in teen birthrate and fifth in teen

abortion rate. My guess is that if we considered only Southern

California, the statistics would be even worse. You can see the

statistics at https://www.guttmacher.org/pubs/

state_pregnancy_trends.pdf.

We parents need to wake up to the reality that our kids need us.

The three young men accused of gang rape are just the tip of the

iceberg. Our teenyboppers are having fun in the sun (just check out

the beach after hours), in the surf, on the beach and in our homes.

They are “hooking up” to “friends with benefits.” We need to put down

the morning paper, set the coffee cup back into its saucer, get rid

of that “ho-hum” look on our face and find Junior (Miss).

* FLO MARTIN is a Costa Mesa resident and faculty member at Cal

State Fullerton.