Already ready for back-to-school

STEVE SMITH

Three short days. That’s all that local parents have before they ship

their kids off to school once again.

Because I know that parents wish the summer vacation would last

another couple of months, so they can spend more money on day camps

or watch their kids become bored to tears at home, I am offering some

back-to-school tips to ease the transition.

* Shop for back-to-school clothes. Most kids need more new clothes

like they need more homework, but it’s not the clothes that is

important; it’s the process.

In the mid-60s, a pair of Levi’s “shrink-to-fit” jeans cost about

$5. Imagine -- a pair of jeans that one had to buy that were an inch

longer in the length than the child’s actual inseam and one-and-

a-half inches bigger in the waist that was necessary. The extra

material magically disappeared with one or washings in hot water,

kind of like one of those magic sponges but in reverse.

The anticipation over whether they’d eventually fit kept kids

awake for consecutive nights. Those jeans were indestructible, too. I

don’t know if Levi’s still makes shrink-to-fit jeans, but if they do,

grab a pair.

* Go to school on the first day. Yes, it’s important when kids are

little, and it’s particularly special when it’s their first day of

kindergarten, but if you really want to enjoy the day, follow your

older kid to his or her high school class. Introduce yourself to the

teacher, then leave, but not before you give your child a fat

“good-bye” kiss on the cheek as you leave the classroom full of

students.

* Make their lunches. Not only will you be able to exercise more

control over what they eat; you can do fun things like make tuna

sandwiches in special shapes. Boys of all ages get the Little Mermaid

style and girls get the smiling image of Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger.

* Take a last-minute trip. If you put down your coffee and leave

right now, you can be in Las Vegas in about 10 hours. It used to take

four hours, but that was before the local Indian resorts and casinos

made us realize what a hoot Vegas is, and everyone decided to crowd

the I-15 for what seems to be every hour of every day both ways.

And take the kids! Vegas is great for kids. They can swim, eat

cheap food and learn how to play craps on the in-room gaming channel.

* Hit the beach one last time. Do it now before the new dredging

project dumps enough sand to create a path from Newport Beach to

Catalina Island.

* Buy a new backpack for your child. Actually, with all the

homework kids get and the absence of lockers in some schools, they

have too much stuff for a backpack. Better buy a steamer trunk

instead.

Perhaps it’s nothing to joke about. After all, our kids could be

going to school in France. There, a new ban on head scarves took

effect in public schools took.

Last Thursday, 240 schoolgirls of Islamic faith showed up in head

scarves. Seventy of them refused to remove their scarves but were

allowed in their schools nonetheless. Seems that France has the

same-style zero tolerance policies that we do.

But France is a weak country. It has made itself so open to

negotiating with evil that there are now radical Islamic militants in

Iraq ready to kill two French hostages if France does not repeal the

head-scarf ban. Why did the radicals kidnap and threaten France with

the murder of two of their own? Because they thought there was a

chance it would work.

There is at least one public school in a neighboring school

district that wouldn’t care much if girls showed up in head scarves

or if boys wore baseball caps or if students of either gender wore

flaps to school.

“You’ll see some things here that you won’t see in other public

schools,” warned the principal during orientation. The parents, whose

children scored a collective 861 on the recent API tests, knew that.

It’s one of the reasons they want their children in the school.

On Tuesday, there is a new slate for thousands of local kids who

are going back to school. Here’s hoping they score well on their

tests, that they never know a head scarf ban and that they can one

day enjoy the pleasure and comfort of Levi’s shrink-to-fit jeans.

* STEVE SMITH is a Costa Mesa resident and a freelance writer.

Readers may leave a message for him on the Daily Pilot hotline at

(949) 642-6086.