Twentysomethings who’ve lost their way

MAXINE COHEN

A year and a half ago, I moved from West Newport to Corona del Mar

because I couldn’t stand the UCI rentals, the loudness and the

partying anymore. Being awakened at 2 a.m. when the bars closed and

being kept up by drunken yelling and idiocy until 4 a.m. was making

me into a crazy person. After 11 years of this, the Newport Beach

police officers recognized my voice when I called at night. It was

time to get out of Dodge.

So here I am, cocooned in Corona del Mar, having endured much

aggravation and spent I-won’t-tell-you-how-much money to get here,

and a nearby house gets rented to a bunch of adolescents disguised as

grown men. Since the weather has turned warm, their windows and doors

are constantly open and the sound from their large-screen television

permeates the neighborhood. I almost don’t even have to turn on my

own television to know what’s going on -- not that they ever watch

anything I’m even remotely interested in.

The neighbors and I were not happy. I made many attempts to handle

the situation constructively. I spoke to the tenants, to the owner of

the property and to the owner of the construction company that will

be demolishing the property eventually. It was all to no avail. The

tenants refused to quiet down.

So, I pulled out the big guns and made a call to my friend, an

environmental services officer at the Newport Beach Police

Department. Now that’s an over-statement, but over the years, I’ve

had many occasions to ask for his assistance in enforcing the noise

ordinances, which is the only thing that has saved my sanity, as

debatable as it may be at times.

Newport Beach has noise ordinances in place to deal with just this

type of situation. A section in the municipal code defines loud and

unreasonable noise as “not limited to, yelling, shouting, hooting,

whistling, singing, playing music or playing a musical instrument,

which disturbs the peace, comfort, quiet or repose of any area or

which causes discomfort or annoyance to any reasonable person of

normal sensitivities in the area, after a peace or code-enforcement

officer has first requested that the person or property owner cease

and desist ... “

The law provides for an escalating series of fines to be levied

against the tenants and the property owner, culminating in legal

action against the latter.

And what do you know? With the officer’s help, the boys have

finally ceased and desisted. At least, for the most part. What a

relief.

But then I ask myself, “Why are 30-something men still partying

late into the night, sleeping until noon and playing video games all

afternoon?”

If you haven’t already heard about it, it’s a bona fide new social

trend, in the making for 50 years, that is finally being documented

and written about. It’s called the “quarterlife crisis.” It refers to

the period of limbo after college and throughout the 20s that is

filled with confusion, fear and instability. Nowadays, full-fledged

adulthood doesn’t begin until nearly 30.

Today’s twentysomethings are delaying the traditional rites of

passage into adulthood. They are taking their time finishing college

and dating more before deciding to settle down. They are likely to

sample several career possibilities and to move willingly from city

to city to do this. They are driven by the fear of making the wrong

choice -- a mistake -- and having to start all over again.

There’s even some thought that the quarterlife crisis will replace

the midlife crisis for this generation. Twentysomethings want to

equal or exceed the level of affluence they grew up with. They want

their marriages to last. And since they have taken their time to

commit to the choices that will stabilize and create their lives for

years to come, there may be no pressing need to reevaluate and redo

their lives in their middle years. After all, choices made only 10 to

15 years ago, with the benefit of some maturity, are more likely to

still fit in your 40s.

I would think that anyone who has grown children can wholly relate

to this. I know I can. Actually, I feel relieved to know that what I

witnessed has a name and is a bona-fide transition.

I’ve watched two of my daughters (now 30 and 33) grapple with

creating a life for themselves in their 20s. It was painful to see. A

progression of boyfriends, unhealthy dead-end relationships and a

series of menial, unfulfilling jobs just to make ends meet -- very

hard to find yourself and your way, and you can’t do one without the

other.

This is very different than when I was young. I went to college,

married right afterward, worked for a short time, always knowing that

I wanted to start a family sooner rather than later, and did just

that. No angst, no flailing, little confusion. Not that any of that

was particularly easy, but it was a clear path, and it was

responsible and adult.

So what’s with the adolescents masquerading as grown men in the

party house? Well, seems to me that they have not yet gotten past the

quarterlife transition. Although they look to me to be well into

their 30s, they clearly do not go to work or have steady romantic

relationships.

It makes me wonder why some twentysomethings make it and others do

not.

So what I wish for these big boys is that they are able to find

their way. Even though they make me crazy, as I watch them flail

around, I feel sorry that they are so lost and frantic. Constant

distractions, people around all the time, sound cranked up loud to

drown out any serious thoughts or feelings, too much alcohol, the

absence of any real involvement in some kind of meaningful work, will

serve only to keep them stuck, spinning in place, going nowhere.

And me, wanting to get some sleep.

* MAXINE COHEN is a Corona del Mar resident and marriage and

family therapist practicing in Newport Beach. She can be reached at

maxinecohen@adelphia.net or at (949) 644-6435.