Plural problems that’ll knock your Sox off

JUNE CASAGRANDE

Oops. An embarrassing mistake came into the national spotlight this

week, an embarrassing mistake indeed. It seems that a group of young

men received national recognition for being the best in the country

at hitting a little white ball and running in circles -- a wonderful

advancement for humanity. Unfortunately, these young men were so busy

practicing really hard and hitting the ball really hard and running

really fast that a serious spelling mistake got past them.

You see, the plural of “sock” is “socks,” not “Sox.”

How did this mortifying mistake occur? A “Business of Language”

investigation will be conducted by a non-nonpartisan commission made

up of George Bush and Dan Quayle. But until the “meat and potatoe-s

portion” of their job is complete, I can only speculate.

It’s probably safe to assume that the Socks designate one of their

members as official proofreader, but I’m not sure who that is.

Perhaps the nice young man who, when asked whether he believed in

curses, said into the television camera, “I believe you make your own

destination.” But I have not yet confirmed that fact.

Often, such mistakes occur because the people responsible for

language quality control are underpaid. I know that explains every

mistake ever to appear in any newspaper. So, without even seeing the

unipartisan commission’s study, I think it’s safe to demand that

these nice young men get a raise. Ditto for those talented boys in ‘N

Sync.

OK. I joke, but, plurals are actually tougher than meets the eye.

The Associated Press Stylebook has 17 entries under the heading of

“Plurals.” They range from the basic -- add “s” for most words; add

“es” to words ending in CH, S, SH, SS X and Z -- to oddball cases

that no one ever teaches you in school.

For example, Latin-root words ending in “us” are made plural with

the letter “i.” One alumnus, two alumni. But most ending in “um” have

evolved in English to just get an “s.” It’s “stadiums” and

“referendums,” say the gurus at the Associated Press, who also make

the controversial ruling that this also applies to “memorandum.” They

insist, though others would surely disagree, that the plural is

“memorandums,” not “memoranda.” Of course, consistency is out of the

question. “Media” is the still the correct plural of “medium,” and

“curricula” keeps its old Latin ways, too.

For figures, just add an S with no apostrophe. June’s shoe

wardrobe includes mostly size 7s, according to June, but you’ll find

a lot of size 9s if you check for yourself. The same is true for

years and other numbers. No apostrophes when writing, “Male Sox fans

annoyed their wives and girlfriends from the 1920s through the 1990s

with their incessant whining. So the wives and girlfriends got on

747s and spent the World Series in Paris.”

But while numerals don’t need apostrophes, single letters do. “I

got straight A’s in my History of Baseball class when I finally

grasped that the A’s and the Angels are two different teams.” “Mind

your Ps and Qs.”

Is that easy enough for you? Good. Then let’s make it harder.

Unlike single letters, multiple letters strung together, usually

acronyms, get no apostrophe. It’s, “Learn your ABCs,” “Cash in all

your IOUs” and “Live like VIPs.” That’s true regardless of whether an

acronym has periods. The rule on that, by the way, is to avoid using

periods in acronyms unless omitting them would create confusion.

“June is president of the group, Devotees for Understanding Major

League Baseball, or D.U.M.B. This distinction makes her one of the

leading D.U.M.B.s in the country.”

* JUNE CASAGRANDE is a freelance writer. She can be reached at

JuneTCN@aol.com.