Healing journey

Mike Sciacca

Whenever she hears the word “Blake” uttered, Katie Hodge Dean’s face

lights up. The mere mention of her son’s name will do that to her.

She delights in describing the personality of her “Peanut,” a

nickname that aptly describes the images of a sweet, smiling blond

boy seen in photographs in the Huntington Beach home she shares with

her husband, Chris.

Although Dean manages to smile while talking about her son, she,

at times, hesitates to catch her breath -- and emotions -- when

discussing Blake, who died in a car crash on Feb. 18, 2000, at the age of 17 months.

Dean’s journey since that life-altering day has seen the

30-year-old face numerous challenges, but of all the roads she could

have traveled down -- the good, the bad and the indifferent -- she

chose to travel the healing highway.

“I knew of two roads that were in front of me after Blake died,”

said Dean, who points out that she could not say the “D” word, for

quite some time following his death.

A pair of tiny sneakers, which belonged to Blake, could be seen on

a nearby table.

“The choices I could make,” she continued, “was that I could throw

my life away, or live for my son, live for both of us. I chose the

latter. Not that it makes things easier, but it was the best road to

travel.”

In order to continue on her healing journey since Blake’s death,

Dean, in an effort to help other parents who have lived through the

death of a child, has written and designed a thought-provoking,

interactive journal, “Grief’s Journey ... When a Child Dies.”

Dean’s photography -- she shot at such spots as the Huntington

Beach Pier, Mission San Juan Capistrano and in Ireland -- can be seen

throughout the journal, as well as her heartfelt words that accompany

each photo.

On the opposite page of each photo is a place to write entries

into the journal, led by the phrase, “Tell me what you feel. I’m

listening ...”

The published journal can be purchased by print-on-demand.

“It’s been proven that writing can be beneficial in healing during

the grieving process,” Dean said. “I hope to arouse the powerful

emotions that might provoke writing and thereby, healing.”

Roberta Eaves has ordered five journals, with the intension of

presenting them to those she is close to and who have experienced the

death of a child.

“I can’t wait to see how the journal looks,” said Eaves, who lives

in Scottsdale, Ariz. “I plan to give one to my sister and one to my

mother. Both have lost a child, and although it’s been a lot of

years, both still are tying to work things out from those deaths.

“I knew Katie before her accident. I’ve seen her begin to heal

from that terrible day by helping others through their grief. She

does it by spreading her healing abilities through assisting others,

through her writings. I hope my close family members and friends are

able to benefit from this journal. I know it has helped Katie.”

Before Dean could begin to grieve the death of her son, she had to

heal physically.

She was driving the car that carried her son, the one that was

rammed into by a driver who ran a red light. Blake died instantly.

Dean suffered traumatic brain injury, was in a coma for a week, had

complete paralysis on the right-side of her body and her short-term

memory was gone.

But, although in a coma, she says she had a “moment.”

“I couldn’t move and I couldn’t see, but I was waiting for someone

to tell me how Blake was,” she recalled. “Then, this horrible,

sinking fog began to set in, that he was gone. Even though I was in a

coma, I had this thought that I was in an intense nightmare that I’d

never wake from.

“I lost my entire life that day. My independence, my mobility, my

sense of being a mother were gone.”

Dean looks the picture of good health today, although she says her

short-term memory sometimes “fails her.” She hosts monthly support

group sessions in her home for parents who have experienced the death

of a child.

It’s her way of reaching out to others and at the same time,

continuing her healing process.

Writing the journal certainly has helped.

“Grieving is a journey that will never end, but it will change,”

she said. “That’s what I want others to know. My intention with this

journal is to allow those grieving to write out their true feelings,

to write about whatever comes to mind. That will help the healing

process along.”