Making the Christmas tree jolly

KAREN WIGHT

The vision goes something like this: Your family bundles up on a

chilly winter evening in their beautifully coordinated outerwear. You

drive to the Christmas tree farm in a sparkling-clean SUV.

You arrive at your destination and miraculously find the perfect

tree within minutes. All members of the family agree upon the tree.

The tree is the beginning of a magical season, and this particular

tree is the catalyst to fulfill all their expectations for the

upcoming holidays.

Of course, there is no line at the tree lot, and you easily pay

and load 7 feet of perfection on top of your car. You get the tree

home, and it fits the stand like they were made for each other. In a

matter of moments, the family is merrily decorating the tree while

drinking hot cider. The children do not argue over any special

placement of their favorite ornaments and encourage and compliment

each other as the tree becomes a beautiful focal point in your home.

OK, now, are you ready to wake up? And if any of you have actually

experienced the above scenario, please don’t tell me about it,

because I need to remain upbeat and on task.

The truth is that the fantasy and the reality are mutually

exclusive.

There are, however, a few things you can do to help create the

magic.

First, don’t expect any of this to take one glorious afternoon or

evening. If you want to pull off the quintessential Christmas tree

lighting, be prepared to do some behind-the-scenes legwork. If you

need group consensus for the tree, pick a time other than a Saturday

afternoon. An evening during the week works well. Less humanity is

more when you’re picking a Christmas tree. And don’t stress about

finding the “perfect” specimen. There is no such thing. Remember that

you will probably park the tree in a spot with a corner or wall

behind it. If three-quarters of the tree looks good, you are stylin’.

And a bare spot in the front? Hello -- lights, garland and ornaments

are great fill-ins. Remember, there are pruning shears with your name

on them in your gardening bucket. Feel free to literally trim the

tree before you take it inside.

After the trip to get the tree, you will want to put it in a stand

right away and get water flowing through its branches. Do this

outside, and while you’re at it, spray the tree down with a hose.

Christmas trees are covered with dust and are happy homes for

spiders.

Now that you have a clean tree, move it inside. Hold the kids at

bay (if you can), while you put the lights on. Kids and lights are a

crazy combination. They love lights, but putting them on the tree is

like asking them to take vitamins. It must be done, but don’t expect

them to smile.

After the lights are nestled into the branches, you can bring out

the garland. You might want to take charge of executing the

loop-and-space maneuver. The last phase is the hanging of the

ornaments, the moment everyone has waited for with bated breath since

you first muttered the words “Christmas tree.” The prudent thing to

do is have each child hang his or her own ornaments. This is where

having an only child comes in handy. Can you have three only

children? I don’t think so, but I think I do anyway. Invariably,

there is some jockeying for position.

Hopefully your children are not all the same height, and they can

find their own special place on the tree.

It is amazing to me how quickly kids can hang ornaments,

considering the fact that you’ve spent at least six hours finding the

tree, bringing it home, cutting off the bottom, putting it into the

stand, cleaning it, taking it inside and lighting it. Try to draw the

process out for as long as possible. Would that be 30 minutes? Change

it to 20. That’s the average attention span of an 8-year-old.

Take a lot of pictures during that brief interlude. Events always

look more important and more fun after they’re in the scrapbook.

Label the pictures with phrases like “ho ho ho,” and your children

might forget that the older sister got the best spot at the top of

the tree.

Remember to smile. Smiling is good.

The tree is up; the kids are happy; and now you can tuck them into

bed, where they’ll have visions of sugarplums and ornaments dancing

in their heads.

Of course, that is after they’ve finished creating their list for

Santa.

The house is quiet, the day was fabulous ... you stand back and

realize that maybe the tree is a little lopsided on one side. Yes, a

few too many ornaments on the tips of the branches are weighing it

down.

The lights would be better if they were tucked into the tree a

little more, and the tinsel is a little clumpy toward the bottom.

Stealthily, you move a few ornaments, tuck things in here and there

and bring out the nicer, breakable ornaments that are yours.

Now you’re ready for the magic of Christmas.

* KAREN WIGHT is a Newport Beach resident. Her column runs

Thursdays.