ABC’s of love

CINDY TRANE CHRISTESON

“In marriage, being the right person is as important as finding the

right person.”

-- WILBERT DONALD GOUGH

My husband Jon and I celebrated our 28th anniversary last weekend.

He planned a wonderful getaway in San Diego, and we enjoyed every

minute of our time together, which included great meals and even a

three-hour, invigorating walk in the rain.

We both talked with several people before we left, as well as some

of the hotel staff, and we were frequently asked if we had any

comments or suggestions we wanted to share about making marriage

last.

Divorce statistics certainly aren’t encouraging about the

stability of marriage, but Jon and I have learned from others, and

continue to be amazed at how much we still have to learn. We’ve had

the privilege of both sets of our parents already celebrating 50

years of marriage, and our daughters are themselves happily married.

Jon and I have had our struggles, but we’ve had our successes too,

and we talked about some of the changes we wanted to make in our next

28 years together.

We reminisced about great memories, laughed at foibles, grimaced

at mistakes, acknowledged growth from challenges and thanked God for

each other and our families.

There are 26 letters in the alphabet, and I’m going to list 26

qualities I’ve observed in our families and in others.

There are obviously more ingredients to successful marriages, but

I’ll stick with the alphabet for today.

* Appreciation of change when due

* Belief in God

* Commitment to God and to one another

* Delight of learning

* Encouragement of each other’s gifts, dreams and desires

* Forgiveness asked for and given

* God’s help and guidance asked for often through prayer

* Humility and honor

* Intimacy enjoyed

* Joy

* Kind acts exchanged

* Love offered freely, as unconditional as possible

* Mercy and grace given and received

* Optimism about life and one another

* Patience shown often

* Quickness to admit mistakes

* Respect given and deserved

* Sense of humor

* Trust and trustworthiness

* Unique qualities allowed in each other

* Value of what truly matters in life

* Wisdom

* Xtra grateful

* Zealousness to grow

As I reread the list -- which may not be ideal grammar, but

includes some ideals to aim toward -- I saw that God needs to

continue to change and mature us as he desires.

Then I realized that every relationship needs these qualities.

With God’s help, we can all find areas that will honor him this

season.

And you can quote me on that.

* CINDY TRANE CHRISTESON is a Newport Beach resident who speaks

frequently to parenting groups. She may be reached via e-mail at

cindy@onthegrow.com or through the mail at 537 Newport Center Drive,

Box 505, Newport Beach, CA 92660.