Opera trip yields youthful hope

SUE CLARK

I recently went with several people to see “La Boheme” at the Dorothy

Chandler Pavilion. Most of the people in our group were 50-plus,

except for one person I’ll call Melissa. She was 14.

The performance was a chance for Melissa to be with her

grandmother and share one of Grandmother’s passions. There had been a

plan to get to the pavilion early and hear a lecture about the opera,

but a teenager’s life is sometimes complicated. Melissa had a school

project to finish, and then a varsity sport practice that evening

after the opera. There was also choral practice shoehorned into the

evening.

Had I been 14 and faced with a very long day and multiple

responsibilities, I would have more than likely opted out or at least

made life miserable for all the old folks riding with her. But that

wasn’t Melissa’s style.

Quite the opposite occurred. Somehow, in an achievement worthy of

someone thrice her age, this lovely redhead managed to carry on a

conversation with us, study her textbook and remain in good spirits.

She multitasked magnificently, getting work done in the back seat,

looking forward to the performance and allaying her grandmother’s

fears that she was overbooked. The resiliency of youth was at work

here, but there was something more.

That something was good manners. Melissa’s parents had given her

this priceless gift, one which far outweighed her talent in sports or

her grade-point average. Her presence and graciousness added to the

trip for all of us.

On the rainy way home, finished with some of her work, she opened

up more and joined the conversation with women four times her age. I

didn’t want to bother her, knowing she had miles to go before she

slept. So I tentatively made small talk, wanting to give her some

downtime if she needed it. Yet, even though we’d never met, Melissa

and I conversed easily. If she was tired, she concealed it.

We teased my friend, her grandmother, about her upcoming computer

lessons at the Costa Mesa Senior Center. We joked about having to

send my friend real, printed mail, placed in a paper envelope and

stamped.

“Snail-mail days are almost over!” Melissa crowed.

My evening at the opera gave me lots of insights. First of all,

now I know why my daughter complains when she is driving in Los

Angeles traffic. Secondly, lots of grown men cry when Mimi dies at

the end of La Boheme. (Oops, there’s the plot). I haven’t seen that

many manly tears since “Brian’s Song.”

Most importantly, there are the Greg Haidls of the county, and I

believe they are the result of arrogant and enabling parenting. (I

also believe Greg can be helped, or I would not be working at a

continuation school.)

When my niece visited from UC Davis last month, she gazed at the

homes on Balboa Island and sighed, “Wow, just like ‘The OC.’”

But, unlike “The OC,” as Melissa reminds us, we have so many kind

and socially gracious teenagers in our area, who set a friendly tone,

engage in positive activities and make our O.C. a better place.

To the parents of these kids, I wish you happy holidays: You need

no present from me. You already have your gifts.

* SUE CLARK is a Costa Mesa resident and a high school guidance

counselor at Creekside High School in Irvine. She can be reached at

tallteacher@comcast.net