Hold your tongue

CINDY TRANE CHRISTESON

Editor’s note: Cindy Trane Christeson is taking a short sabbatical.

Here is her column from Aug. 28, 1999.

“I have lived in this world just long enough to look carefully the

second time into things that I am the most certain of the first

time.”

-- JOSH BILLINGS

I picked my daughter Amy up from work recently, and we headed over

to a nearby store to treat ourselves to frozen yogurt.

The woman working there smiled at us as we walked in, and then the

phone rang. She answered it, and Amy and I analyzed the flavor

selection. Amy told me about her day at work. A few minutes went by,

and I looked over to the woman on the phone, but she just kept on

talking. A few more minutes went by, and Amy and I looked longingly

at the topping selections.

“It seems like she could put her friend on hold while she helped

us,” I said.

The woman kept talking while winding the phone cord around her

fingers. She smiled at us rather sheepishly. I decided she must be

talking to her boyfriend. Amy and I looked at the frozen yogurt

machines and then back at each other. I wondered if we should just

leave. But I was still happy talking to Amy, and we really did want

frozen yogurt, so we waited. And waited.

“Well, I don’t think I’ll be putting anything in the tip jar,” I

said to Amy.

Just then the woman hung up the phone and practically ran over to

us.

“I am so sorry to have kept you waiting so long,” she said.

Apparently it had been her boss on the phone, and she had left him

many messages throughout the day. She needed to tell him that she

needed help, that her co-worker was two hours late and that the last

crew left the place in shambles.

“What can I get you?” she asked. “I really am sorry, but I just

had to talk to him. I’ve waited hours.”

I paid and left a bigger tip than normal. I was ashamed of my

negative thoughts.

“Wow! There’s a great example of how easy it is to judge someone

and be totally wrong,” I said to Amy, while we ate our desserts, and

she agreed.

The woman rushed around cleaning the other tables.

“I’ve been trying to do that for hours. Again, thanks for your

patience,” she said with a weary voice.

“It’s no problem. We’re sorry you are so short-handed,” I said.

Just then, a mother and two rambunctious boys walked in. Actually,

the boys romped in and the mother slumped in. While they argued about

the acceptable size of yogurts, an older couple walked in. After a

few minutes, the man started tapping his foot impatiently.

Amy and I thanked the woman again as we left.

We’re all familiar with the Bible verse that tells us not to

judge. I found an interesting translation of the verse that says “Try

to show as much compassion as your father does. Never criticize or

condemn -- or it will all come back on you. Go easy on others, then

they will do the same for you.”

I had clearly misjudged that overworked woman. I pray that each

time I’m tempted to do that again, I stop before I get started and

remind myself to go easy on others.

I sure hope they go easy on me. And you can quote me on that.

* CINDY TRANE CHRISTESON is a Newport Beach resident who speaks

frequently to parenting groups. She may be reached via e-mail at

cindy@onthegrow.com or through the mail at 537 Newport Center Drive,

Box 505, Newport Beach, CA 92660.