Never misunderestimate misspokenating

JUNE CASAGRANDE

In a recent news conference, President Bush acknowledged that his

Social Security plan was not a cure-all for the program’s ills.

“Private accounts,” the president said, “do not permanently fix

the solution.”

What’s remarkable is not that the guy made a mistake, using the

word “solution” where he meant to say “problem.” Public speaking is

tough and everyone slips up from time to time.

What’s remarkable is that, after so many presidential slip-ups,

we’ve actually begun handicapping him. We hear what he meant to say

instead of what he actually said, which explains why the commentator

on the show that aired this clip ignored the mistake.

And here’s the kicker: It wasn’t a news program. It was a comedy

show.

You’d think comedians would be able to craft some Charles

Bronson-inspired quip to the effect of, “Yeah, he’s going to ‘fix’

the solution all right. He’ll ‘fix’ it good.”

But after so many gaffes such as “misunderestimated,” “is our

children learning” and, of course, thinking the dirtiest swear word

in the English language is “Massachusetts,” jokes about the

president’s mistakes are too old and too easy.

My job isn’t to single out any one person’s slip-ups but to point

out some of the pitfalls anyone can fall into. Flipping through

“Garner’s Modern American Usage,” a goldmine of a language reference,

I see there are a lot of these pitfalls. A lot.

For example, under the listing, “one and the same” is the caveat

not to mistake this term with “one in the same.” The correct

expression uses “and,” Garner tells us. I wish I would have known

that a week ago when I deliberately avoided this term because I

wasn’t sure which one was correct.

I was rifling around in the O listings after receiving an e-mail

from John in Glendale about the expression “one of the only.”

“‘One of the only’ is redundant if there is truly the only item,”

John wrote. “Often the term is used when I believe the speaker

intends to say ‘one of the few.’”

I must confess that this one stumps me. John’s logic seems rock

solid, but I don’t find this listing in the Associated Press

Stylebook, the Chicago Manual of Style, “Lapsing Into a Comma,” “The

Elements of Style” or Garner’s book.

I could argue with John by noting that Webster’s says “only” can

refer to multiple things. But I still would be hard-pressed to come

up with an instance in which “one of the few” would not be clearly

superior. Thanks for pointing that out, John. And please go easy on

me when, in the future, I slip up and use “one of the only” in spite

of myself.

In other words, feel free to misunderstimate me because if you ask

yourself the question, “is our columnists learning?” you’ll see that

some are learning more slowly than others.

Also listed in Garner’s book under “one” are some interesting

mistakes regarding the expression “one in [a number],” such as, “one

in three doctors.” Look at the following examples -- real mistakes

cited in Garner’s book -- and see if the problem jumps out at you.

“Only one in five believe that their parents had more fun as

teenagers than they are experiencing now.” (Feel free to craft your

own presidential joke here. Suggested fodder includes cheerleading

and alcohol abuse.)

“Research has found that only one in six think that political

agreement is important for a successful marriage.” (Feel free to

craft your own gubernatorial joke here.)

“... only one in five believe that the Clintons did anything wrong

in Whitewater.” (It’s like Garner’s just setting us up for the jokes,

huh?)

Anyway, the problem with all these sentences is that the verbs

don’t agree with the subjects. The subject is singular, “one.” So the

first sentence should be, “one in five believes,” with an S, because

it agrees with “one” and not “five.”

One believes. Five believe.

And anyone who doesn’t believe that can go straight to

Massachusetts.

* JUNE CASAGRANDE is a freelance writer. She can be reached at

junetcn@aol.com.