Suicidal signs must be taken seriously

MAXINE COHEN

I was horrified when I read about the 17-year-old senior at Corona

del Mar high school who committed suicide. How very, very sad.

It is truly a tragedy when such a young person takes her own life.

She had barely begun to live, and her life is now over. Her parents

live on but they will grieve in the depths of a despair that most of

us will never know -- thank goodness -- in our own lifetimes. Then

there are siblings, teachers, friends and relatives, whose lives have

been irretrievably touched. The carnage goes on and on.

What is particularly sad is that this young girl’s feelings most

probably would have changed with time, but a teenager does not have

enough life experience to know that perceptions and feelings do

change.

As a marriage and family therapist, I deal with people who, at

times, feel wholly overwhelmed by their life circumstances. So, I’d

like to share some of what I know about suicide in general and

teenagers in specific.

Suicide is currently the third leading cause of death in this

country among people ages 15 to 24. Experts estimate that nearly

5,000 teenagers commit suicide each year, and for every successful

attempt, there are 50 to 100 failed attempts.

The number is probably even higher, since incidents of suicide are

underreported. The ratio of male to female suicides is 4 to 1, but

women attempt suicide four times more frequently. This discrepancy is

due to the fact that males use guns more often than females, who

prefer to use pills, so they either take too few to do the job or get

rescued in the nick of time.

Someone who has attempted suicide in the past is at greater risk

of future attempts. Between 26% and 33% of teenage suicide victims

have made a prior attempt. A current episode of depression with

feelings of worthlessness and hopelessness increases the risk.

Feeling helpless, that you are powerless to make your life better,

increases the risk. Abusing alcohol and drugs increases the risk

because it deepens depression and reduces impulse control. Physical

and sexual abuse, divorce, parental discord, rejection by friends or

a heart-breaking breakup are all additional risk factors, although a

teenager may feel suicidal without the presence any of these.

Too often, not knowing the true significance of what we are

hearing or seeing, we ignore pleas for help. “I’d be better off

dead;” or “I don’t want to be a problem for you any longer;” or

“Nothing matters; it’s no use” are warning signs that need attention

to and should be taken seriously.

Teenagers who are planning to commit suicide might “clean house”

by giving away their favorite possessions or throwing things out.

They may become suddenly cheerful after being depressed because

they think they’ve found “the solution” by deciding to end their

lives.

People who attempt to take their own lives have a means and a

plan.

This means that they have thought about and decided how they are

going to do it -- by shooting themselves, taking pills, carbon

monoxide poisoning -- and they know where and when they will do it.

Directly after a depression has lifted is an especially at-risk time

because the person now has more energy, which makes him or her more

able to carry out suicide plans.

A family history of suicide is another significant factor. Young

people often identify with those closest to them and are likely to

repeat their actions. There may be a genetic link as well; research

has shown that the biological relatives of a person who committed

suicide are six times more likely to attempt or succeed in suicide

than are adoptive relatives.

So, if anyone you know fits this risk profile, what can you to do

help? First of all, take their concerns seriously. Do not treat it as

a joke or brush it aside. Take time to talk about how he or she is

feeling. Reassure the person that there are people -- parents,

siblings, teachers, friends -- who care and are willing to listen and

want to help.

Secondly, don’t lecture or point out all the reasons to live.

Possible suicide victims are not in a place to be persuaded.

Instead, listen and reassure them that they will not feel this way

forever. Let them know that depression can be treated successfully by

therapy and/or medication. Nearly 90% of depressed people respond to

treatment. Encourage them to go to a therapist and help them find a

good referral.

If you’d like to know more, I suggest “Suicide: The Hidden

Epidemic” by Margaret Hyde and Elizabeth Forsythe and “Too Young to

Die: Youth and Suicide” by Francine Klagsbrun.

I want to extend my deepest sympathy to the family of the

deceased.

* MAXINE COHEN is a Corona del Mar resident and marriage and

family therapist practicing in Newport Beach. She can be reached at

maxinecohen@ adelphia.net or at (949) 644-6435.