Police Chief James Spreine addressed the troops...

Police Chief James Spreine addressed the troops at the annual Police

Awards Banquet for the last time May 19. He is retiring in October.

Spreine’s swan song was “Top 10 Reasons to Know Your Are in

Laguna.”

1. Your co-worker has eight body piercings and none are visible.

2. You make more than $500,000 a year and still can’t afford a

house.

3. Your child’s third-grade teacher has purple hair, a nose ring

and is named Breeze.

4. You can’t remember -- is pot illegal?

5. You have a very strong opinion about where your coffee beans

are grown, and you can taste the difference between Sumatran and

Ethiopian.

6. A really great parking space moves you to tears.

7. Your hairdresser is straight, your plumber is gay, the woman

who delivers your mail is into S&M; and your Mary Kay rep is a man in

drag.

8. You pass an elementary school playground and all of the

children are busy on their cells or pagers.

9. Both you and your dog have a therapist.

10. Goats have a whole new meaning.