Something I’ve put off writing about

ROBERT GARDNER

* EDITOR’S NOTE: The Daily Pilot has agreed to republish The Verdict,

the ever-popular column written for many years by retired Corona Del

Mar jurist and historian Robert Gardner, in exchange for donations to

the Surfrider Foundation. This particular column was originally

published Sept. 23, 2003.

There’s a topic I’ve wanted to write about for a long time, but I

just couldn’t seem to get around to it, and that’s procrastination.

Trust me. I’m an expert on the subject. I will put anything off but

the cocktail hour.

As a self-proclaimed expert, I’m here to say that procrastination

has gotten a bad rap. If there were more procrastination, the world

would be a better place.

For today’s leaders, I have just one word: procrastination. Most

things on the international level wouldn’t be hurt, in fact, would

probably be improved, with a little good, old-fashioned

procrastination.

Just think of how different the world might be if there had been

no blitzkrieg, if Hitler had only said, “Ach, all this rush, rush,

rush, let’s talk about it tomorrow,” or if Admiral Tojo had said,

“Pearl Harbor? I’ll get around to it. Now let’s have another cup of

tea.” I’m wondering if our president isn’t wishing that he’d

procrastinated a little more on Iraq.

But it’s not just the international arena. There’s a place for

procrastination at the local level, as well. Think of the animal

shelters. Every year, people rush out before Easter and buy cute

little bunnies and chicks to put in their children’s Easter baskets.

A few weeks later, they’re rushing to the shelters to get rid of the

pests. If they would just procrastinate, keep telling themselves

they’ll do it tomorrow, soon it would be May or June, and what’s the

point of buying a bunny then?

The same with puppies. People go into a pet store with their kids

and see all these cute little puppies. Before they know it, they’re

walking out of the store with the puppy squirming in their arms, only

to get home and find that their cute little package will chew on more

things than a termite and isn’t housebroken. And the thing doesn’t

come with an owner’s manual either.

Now if these people would only procrastinate -- come back the next

day, go home, think about it, come back, think some more -- soon, the

cute little puppy would grow into whatever it is going to be, which

could be a dog so ugly that little Johnny wouldn’t be caught dead

walking it, let alone picking up after it, and if it grew into a

handsome beast, well, at least it would be potty-trained. Enough

procrastination, and the SPCA might be able to go out of business.

However, the area where procrastination would be really valuable

is in that basic social institution, marriage. The divorce rate is

staggering, and no wonder. Too many people rush into marriage. They

meet someone, they’re bedazzled by a pretty face or a trim figure,

and boom! Before they’ve gotten to know much more than that, they’re

married.

If they’d only procrastinate a little, put off taking that

ultimate step one day at a time, they might get to know each other

all too well. They might have found out that the pretty face gets up

in the morning with the disposition of a sidewinder about to be

stepped on. The trim figure may nag so much that he wants to throttle

her. Better to discover that before the wedding instead of after,

when the only solution is divorce or murder. As for the latter

option, procrastination is strongly advised there.

Of course, there are times when one shouldn’t procrastinate.

Shooting pains in your left arm. Smoke coming out of the bedroom.

Water seeping through the door. In those cases, one should call the

doctor, fire department or Noah immediately.

For the rest, what’s the rush?

* ROBERT GARDNER is a Corona del Mar resident and a former judge.