Good lookin’, not much cookin’

The makers of “Mr. & Mrs. Smith” combined major stars with top-notch

production values to create a glossy, big-budget bore. This movie

glides across the screen like an ice skater going through compulsory

figures. Those moves are required by the competition but are much too

tedious to hold anyone’s interest.

Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie are very polished in their

model-perfect portrayal of the title characters. But the ridiculous

plot requires us to believe that after six years of marriage, neither

of them knows that they are both hired killers working for two

different outfits. That is, until they are both assigned to hit the

same man and discover their true occupations.

With their covers blown, they are ordered by their respective

bosses to kill each other.

This film aspires to be “Prizzi’s Honor” meets “True Lies,” but it

falls far short of both.

The producers may have been hoping for hot sparks between the

stars to divert attention from the absurd premise. But there is no

real chemistry on screen between ultra-cool Brad and heartless

Angelina.

This genre-jumping film contains so many Hollywood formulas that

it can’t possibly express any one of them fully. This is a thriller

without thrills, a romance without love and a comedy without laughs.

There are many well-choreographed action scenes that exist only

because they are required by the formula.

Full of mindless mayhem and silly shoot-outs, it’s a slick piece

of movie making without purpose or meaning.

* JOHN DEPKO is a Costa Mesa resident and a senior investigator

for the Orange County public defender’s office.