‘Dukes’ is an exercise in stupidity

Worthy candidates for Best Picture have been hard to come by in 2005,

but the front-runner for Worst Picture is already in a theater near

you. The attempted comedy in “The Dukes of Hazzard” is so bad it

makes the films of the Three Stooges seem like masterpieces. The

story is so stupid, you might lose 10 points off your IQ just by

watching the first hour.

The acting will make you cringe. Burt Reynolds plays a cartoon

version of himself as the evil Boss Hogg of Hazzard County. The Duke

boys, played by Johnny Knoxville and Sean William Scott, are as

brainless as Beavis and Butthead. They run moonshine in their hotrod

Dodge Charger, which is the real star of this film and smarter than

both Dukes put together. Moonshiner Willie Nelson is the only actor

with a twinkle in his eye and life in his role.

Jessica Simpson is definitely hot stuff in her short-shorts and

bikini tops. But the teenage boys who are the target audience will be

sorely disappointed in her few minutes of screen time.

The mindless action consists of car chases on country roads with

Keystone Kops in ridiculous pursuit. There is endless vehicle

destruction as the Dukes give their “yee-haw” rebel yells over and

over again.

Pointless and silly beyond belief, this movie is an embarrassment

to everyone involved.

* JOHN DEPKO is a Costa Mesa resident and a senior investigator

for the Orange County public defender’s office.

Keep the faith ... and your $9.50

Indie favorite Campbell Scott (“Roger Dodger,” “The Spanish

Prisoner”) is always worth watching, even in mediocre films. Sadly,

mediocre is exactly what the Canadian movie “Saint Ralph” is.

In this well-meaning but disappointing mix of “Porky’s” and “Billy

Elliott,” Scott plays the mildly rebellious Father Hibbert, a former

top marathoner who introduces Nietzsche and cross-country running to

small-town Catholic schoolboys in 1953.

The Ralph of the title is Ralph Walker (Adam Butcher), a lonely,

naive ninth-grader who is the butt of jokes by his classmates and

struggles to keep his thoughts pure in the midst of puberty.

Ralph is always in trouble with the stern headmaster, Father

Fitzpatrick (Gordon Pinsent), who’d like nothing better than to kick

him out. After one instance of misbehavior, Ralph’s punishment is to

run with the cross-country team as a way of burning up his excess

energy.

When his seriously ill mother lapses into a coma, doctors say it

will take a miracle for her to recover. Ralph then hears Father

Hibbert say that if one of his runners wins the Boston Marathon, it

would be a miracle. Guess what happens.

“Saint Ralph,” carries messages of faith and perseverance. But the

pace and dialogue are slow enough to induce a coma in even the most

ardent of movie fans.

* SUSANNE PEREZ lives in Costa Mesa and is an executive assistant

for a financial services company.