Czar of style needs support

Dear Reader:

Please clip and sign the following petition and send it to your

representative.

I, the below-signed petitioner, hereby support a plan to create a

federal department called The Office of Cutting the Bull in Grammar

and Style Rules and Deciding Once and For All What Certain Rules

Shall Be.” This office shall be lead by June Casagrande whoseshall

hold periodic summits of nation’s foremost language authorities.

These authorities will convene to decide by simple majority the

nation’s official positions on certain language issues. Their

decisions shall be seen as official, but shall not be enforceable in

any big, bad government kind of way. The purpose of these rulings

shall be to put an end to the tyranny of all the conflicting,

confusing and infuriating “rules” that have been created by

self-styled grammar gods.

As an example of the necessity of such an office, I put forth the

following example -- just one of hundreds that prove that somebody

needs to put her foot down.

Some months back, the Los Angeles Times printed in a headline that

students are earning “A’s and Bs.” More recently, June Casagrande

wrote in the “A Word, Please” grammar column that she looked up

something in the dictionary “under the M’s.”

The latter inspired swift rebuke from a reader who pointed out

that the apostrophe suggests a possessive.

“Rules,” such as the one cited by the reader, foster confusion and

criticism in a way that must now, once and for all, be stopped.

Apostrophes, as the reader pointed out, are used primarily for

making possessives and contractions. John’s book. Mr. T’s attitude.

But if you wanted to make Mr. T plural, you’d say, “The hairstylist’s

customers all looked like a bunch of Mr. Ts.” Right?

Well, that depends on which evil authority is calling the shots.

Some say not to use apostrophes when making letters plural. But

others disagree. Most notably, this includes the Associated Press,

which governs most newspapers. The AP says to use apostrophes for

“plurals of single letters,” and gives the following examples. “Mind

your p’s and q’s. He learned the three R’s and brought home a report

card with four A’s and two B’s.”

Yet the Chicago Manual of Style, which governs book editing, says

that, “Capital letters used as words, abbreviations that contain no

interior periods, and numerals used as nouns” are made plural by

adding “s” with no apostrophe. Their examples include, “The three Rs”

-- a blatant “in your face” to the Associated Press people.

Of course, none of this explains why the Los Angeles Times would

write “A’s and Bs.” No, here again we see somebody making up their

own rules. In this case, the Los Angeles Times which, like most major

newspapers, has its own style book of rules it made up for itself.

Their rule, which is mimicked by many, seems to be: Don’t use an

apostrophe to make a letter plural, “Bs,” except when one is needed

to avoid confusion. “A’s,” without the apostrophe could be read as

“as.”

As if that weren’t maddening enough, the Associated Press holds

the opposite rule for plurals of “multiple letter combinations.”

Learn your ABC’s,” “Issue some IOU’s” and “Kiss up to the VIP’s” --

all these require apostrophes, says the Associated Press. And, in the

interest of being incredibly inconsistent, Chicago agrees. It’s

“IRAs,” they say.

Therefore, I, a user of the English language support paying June

Casagrande lots of money to spearhead the operation to correct this

mess.

Sincerely,

Your Name Here

* JUNE CASAGRANDE is a freelance writer. She can be reached at

o7JuneTCN@aol.comf7.