A lesson in when to jibe and when to jive

Politicians are in the business of criticizing. They criticize

opponents’ positions, incumbents’ performance and everybody’s

intelligence. But today I can officially report that political

criticism has finally gone too far.

The culprit: U.S. Rep. Curt Weldon. The topic: Federal Government

performance pre-9/11. The allegation: that two things “just don’t

jive.”

That’s right, for the first time in United States history, a

politician has found a way to criticize others for not being -- of

all things -- sufficiently funky. According to Weldon, the two things

in question (it doesn’t matter what they were) failed to boogie, fell

short of the ideal of getting down, and were pathetically inadequate

in the goal of getting their groove on. In other words, their attempt

to bust a move left said move sorely unbusted.

I kid Curt. I kid because I love. But even as I pick on the poor

guy for the little language flub he made in a press conference, it’s

only fair that I confess that I’ve made the same mistake a million

times. And I expect I’ll make it a million more. If I didn’t confess

that, I would just be pouncing on someone else’s all-too-human

mistake for the cynical goal of advancing my own agenda. And no poor

politician has ever done anything to deserve that kind of treatment.

My agenda, of course, is to offer a lesson in the difference

between “jive,” “jibe” and “gibe” -- something those fat cats in

Washington don’t want you to know.

The best example I can recall of two things that don’t jive hails

back to the 1992 presidential inauguration. It involves the vice

presidential couple, Al and Tipper Gore dancing to “Don’t Stop

Thinking About Tomorrow.” If ever two things didn’t jive, Al and

Tipper were them.

That’s because “to jive” means to get funky, specifically to dance

to swing music, or to mock or tease. Think of expressions such as

“You’re jivin’ me, brother,” spoken by film characters such as

Superfly and the last meaning becomes clear.

What Weldon meant to say was that the two things didn’t “jibe.”

But because he got the word wrong, he left himself vulnerable to my

long-winded gibe.

“Jibe,” according to “Garner’s Modern American Usage,” means “to

accord with, to be consistent with.”

Author Bryan Garner offers a handy little example of correct

usage. “The sight just doesn’t jibe with the image of her character.”

For Weldon, this means that his two things didn’t jibe.

As if those two words weren’t confusing enough, enter “gibe,”

which I cleverly planted a few paragraphs up. This whole column could

be perceived as a nasty “gibe.” That’s because “gibe” means “a

caustic remark or taunt.”

Another Garner example: “Irving Lewis ... personified the faceless

civil servants who, for all the gibes about pointy-headed

bureaucrats, make government work.”

Too bad Weldon didn’t confuse “jibe” with “gibe” because then I

wouldn’t have known the difference. They’re both pronounced the same

-- with a j-sound.

“Gybe,” as it’s spelled in British English, and which in American

English is unfortunately spelled “jibe,” is a sailing term Garner

defines as “to shift a sail from one side of a vessel to the other

while sailing before the wind.”

And of course when you think of wind, you think of politicians,

because these two things definitely jibe.

And that gibe is no jive.

* JUNE CASAGRANDE is a freelance writer. She can be reached at

o7JuneTCN@aol.comf7.