Billboard bachelor available

Looking for love in all the wrong places? Maybe John Travolta and Debra Winger were, but Dean Morrow is hoping he isn’t. The name may not ring a bell, but there’s a good chance you’ve seen Morrow’s face if you’ve been driving on Newport Boulevard lately. That’s because his face is about three feet tall and two feet wide. Not his real face -- the one on the billboard at Newport Boulevard and 16th Street, which happens to be 14 feet tall by 48 feet wide. Is he selling cars? Homes? Whiter teeth? Land just outside Lodi? None of the above. Dean Morrow is selling himself, right there on Newport Boulevard, in front of God, traffic and everybody.

Morrow has dubbed himself “The Billboard Bachelor,” and he is, simply put, looking for a wife. He has been a bachelor, sans billboard, for four years, following a six-year marriage, and has become deeply disenchanted with the singles dance of blind dates, clubbing, Internet dating, et cetera. Morrow says the really big billboard is no publicity stunt and he is quite serious about finding “that one special lady.” Inspired by a story about a Texas man, who was also looking for love from local rooftops, Morrow decided that if you can find love on high in the Lone Star state, it might work here too. That decision earned Morrow a blizzard of teasing from his friends, but one of his closest pals, Ted Purcell, thought if anyone could pull this off, it was Morrow. “Dean is a high quality guy, with a great job, education, and looks and he deserves a special woman in his life.”

Billboards are supposed to be simple, bold and direct and Morrow’s is all of that. The super-sized headline reads, “Wife Wanted: Billboard Bachelor.” Beside it is a large photo of Morrow, a good-looking guy who looks younger than his 44 years. There is the obligatory website -- www.billboardbachelor.com -- and a tagline that reads, “Single, Successful, Ready.” The website is very professional, with a replica of the billboard and all the headings that an inquiring special lady and her mouse might need: “Welcome,” “The Process,” “About Me,” “About You,” “General Contact.” Clicking on “About Me,” she will find that Dean Morrow is a 6-foot-1, 175-pound investment banker living in Irvine, divorced, a Protestant who doesn’t smoke and is a social drinker -- not that those have anything to do with being Protestant -- and there are no little Morrows. He has dark brown hair and hazel eyes and says he is financially secure, which is a good thing, I would think, if you’re an investment banker.

While the billboard displays a nice sense of fun, I found the website a little detached and clinical. Maybe that comes with the territory when you’re an investment banker. Here are the instructions for inquiring special ladies: “1. In ‘About Me’ you will learn about me and my life and see some recent photos. 2. In order for me to understand more about you, I’ve included a brief introductory questionnaire in the section called ‘About You.’ Please answer all of the questions completely. 3. At the end of your questionnaire, click the ‘Submit’ tab. 4. You will also be prompted to attach your photograph(s). All applications must include at least one (1) recent photograph of you before the system will accept the application. 5. You will receive an auto-response e-mail from the system indicating that your e-mail has been successfully received.”

Feels a little like making a reservation on Expedia.com, no? While Morrow is looking for much more than a pretty face, it’s also clear that physical fitness is an issue. In “About Me,” Morrow says he works out four to five times a week, which would explain the 175 pounds at 6 foot 1. In “About You,” under the heading “Body Type,” potential ladies have a choice of “Average,” “Slender,” “Athletic” or the ominous -- “Other.” There’s also a lot of subtext in “Do you have any children? If yes, how many?” You get a choice of 1, 2, 3, 4, More than 4.” I suspect the last one leads to major point deductions.

Okay, fine, but let’s get to the good stuff. Is it working? Like a Swiss watch says Morrow, who says he got 1,100 hits on his website in the first two weeks the billboard was up. Morrow told the Orange County Register that more than 700 women, and a few men, have hit the “Submit” button in their cyber-quest to be Morrow’s significant other. He has narrowed the 700 Mrs. Morrow wannabe’s down to about 50, but the search goes on.

“It’s easy to find a date, to meet and have dinner and go to a movie,” Morrow told the Register. “But it’s tough to find somebody who has qualities that are necessary for a sustainable relationship. I don’t want to be 60, 70 years old and be alone.” That’s not a small club, Dean, but you have definitely found a way to stand out from the herd in solving the loneliness thing.

Considering there are just over 6 billion people in the world, and about 12% of them are on Newport Boulevard on any given day, I think Dean has a good shot at it. Speak softly, love, but carry a really big billboard. I gotta go.

* PETER BUFFA is a former Costa Mesa mayor. He may be reached by e-mail at ptrb4@aol.com.

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