An egg is an egg is an egg, but cook it slowly

Free range or cage free

Gussied up with omega-3

O glorious egg, what is this stuff?

It’s time to say, an oeuf is an oeuf

Have you ever eaten a fresh egg? We mean one that is brought into the kitchen still warm from the hen. If you haven’t by now, the chances are slim that you ever will. Agribusiness has replaced most small farms. Chickens can no longer range free in Laguna. Your best bet is a bed and breakfast somewhere in the countryside. If you have had this pleasure, you know that it bears little resemblance in taste, texture or color to the pallid ovum that you get at the supermarket.

A fresh egg, like an apple picked from the tree, an ear of corn right off the stalk or a tomato ripe from the vine is one of life’s great gustatory glories, and you don’t have to be Wolfgang Puck or Martha Stewart to transform it into something wonderful.

The next best thing to the farm is the Laguna Farmer’s Market, where both Gama Farms and Lily’s sell eggs that are less than 24 hours old and have not been refrigerated. The average egg in the supermarket has a four-week shelf life, but before it gets to the market it can sit in the warehouse for a week or two, refrigerated. So you can get an egg that’s a few days old (in principle) or four weeks old (if you don’t check the sell-by date), and boy can you tell the difference.

Once upon a time, an egg was just an egg. Are you as mystified as we were by the many different choices that greet you in the cold case? What is meant by cage-free, free-range, organic or vegetarian-fed? What is the difference between brown and white or double A and single A? What is an omega egg?

Cage-free means no cages in the chicken house, but the birds do not go outside. Free-range means they have a cage-free protective house, plus an outside scratch area. Organic refers to their diet only: feed that must be organic and hormone-, antibiotic- and pesticide-free.

Vegetarian-fed eggs are not necessarily organic. Brown and white are really no different in content. The color of the shell is determined by the breed of the hen.

The breeds that lay brown eggs are slightly bigger, which means they eat more, which is why brown eggs cost more. Brown egg lovers say they taste better and are worth the extra money. White egg lovers just smile and save. Grade AA means a firm yolk that stands tall and has a small thick area of white; Grade A is smaller with a round yolk and a fairly sizable white that is more thick than thin.

Omega eggs are designer eggs. Those chickens are generally fed flax seed, which is rich in omega-3 fats, one of the new fads for healthy hearts, but the taste is not altered.

Lily’s Eggs are really Diane and Robert Tropper’s eggs. Lily is their dog (an Australian puli). The Troppers have been in the egg business for nearly three decades in Santa Barbara County. They have certified organic eggs, but their focus is on chickens raised in a natural setting without cages or artificial lighting. They are fed a nonorganic vegetarian diet that has no antibiotics or hormones. Unlike the organic chickens, their eggs are fertilized because they are allowed to fraternize with the roosters.

You might want to watch for Huell Howser’s visit to the Tropper’s farm, which plays occasionally on KCET.

Delores and Gerardo, who own Gama Farms, feed their free-range hens from their homegrown produce. Delores says that they eat corn, tomatoes and potatoes and especially like watermelon and tortillas. Gerardo tells us they also yum up their greens, and they like them spicy. He plants several extra rows of mustard greens especially for the chickens.

Did you have one too many mai-tais at the Royal Hawaiian on Friday night and just can’t get out of bed in time for the farmer’s market? Here’s a great tip for finding the freshest eggs at the supermarket. There is a three-digit number on most egg cartons that indicates the packing date. This number represents the day of the year, for example 001 would be January 1 and 365 would be December 31. So, the carton with the freshest eggs in the store will be the one with the highest number. Don’t confuse this with the plant packing number, which starts with a P. All USDA-graded eggs will have this number, and some of the others do also.

Now that we have our beautiful, fresh eggs at home, let’s cook them. They will never be better than they are now, not having been refrigerated and at room temperature.

If you are not using them immediately, make sure they’re at room temperature when you do cook them. With the exception of the omelet, the general principle is to cook eggs over low or medium heat, as slowly as your patience or your hungry guests will allow. High heat causes the protein bonds of the egg to seize up and tighten quickly, squeezing out the moisture, creating large, tough curds.

A few years ago, Terry and her husband Mark were staying with their friends Arthur and Audrey in London.

“One night, a group of us were sitting around the living room having cocktails and talking. Eventually, we started to get hungry and began to discuss where to go for dinner when Arthur volunteered to rustle up something in the kitchen, much to everyone’s surprise, as he never made anything except drinks.

“A half an hour went by and Audrey said, ‘Maybe he needs some help. I’ll go in and check.’ Moments later she returned to report that he had refused assistance, saying, ‘Everything’s fine. I’m just scrambling some eggs.’ So we all had another drink and then another; two more trips to the kitchen, two more refusals of help.

“By now we were all famished. How long could it take to make some eggs? An hour and a half later, out he came to announce that dinner was served. Hungrily, we advanced on the kitchen to find nothing more than a platter of scrambled eggs and a plate of buttered toast. I think we were all slightly disappointed -- until that first bite. Oh, my, what eggs! Well worth the wait, they were the best eggs I have ever eaten! Of course, I had to ask what his secret was. Arthur, in his laconic style replied, ‘I ... cooked ... them ... slowly.’”

Here is a simple egg dish that lends itself to endless embellishments.

HUEVOS ELENA

Per person: 1 medium flour tortilla

olive oil for brushing

1/4 cup black bean puree, warmed

pan spray

1 teaspoon butter or olive oil

2 eggs

1/2 cup fresh salsa or pico de gallo

1/4 avocado, peeled and sliced

Preheat oven to 350 degrees.

Brush tortilla lightly with olive oil and bake for 8 minutes or until crispy.

When tortilla is done, put it on a plate and spread with black bean puree.

Spray frying pan with pan spray. Melt butter or oil over high heat.

Break eggs into pan and reduce heat. Add salsa around eggs. Cover pan and cook for 2 minutes. There should be a white film on the yolk. If you want your yolks firmer, cook a little longer.

Slide eggs and salsa onto tortilla. Garnish with avocado slices.

Optional: grated cheddar cheese on top, crumbled feta cheese with the black beans, a slice of ham on top of beans, sour cream, chopped green onion and cilantro on top.

* Elle Harrow and Terry Markowitz owned A La Carte Gourmet for 20 years. They can be contacted at themarkos755@ yahoo.com.

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