For kids and adults, a little respect goes a long way

If we want our children to possess the traits of character we most admire, we need to teach them what those traits are and why they deserve both admiration and allegiance.

-- William J. Bennett

Children’s voices ring out on the crisp, clear air. Their laughter ripples through the shimmering sunlit trees, bringing with it a reminder of a conversation earlier this week.

My friend, Catherine Heming, wondered aloud what it takes to raise well-behaved children.

“Respect!” I had blurted the word in response. “If only we teach them to respect self, others and the environment in which they exist, it seems that would suffice.”

Michael Josephson of the Josephson Institute of Ethics lists respect as one of “the six pillars of character.” These six core ethical values are trustworthiness, respect, responsibility, fairness, caring and citizenship.

Respect is described as following the Golden Rule, being tolerant of differences and using good manners. It is to be considerate of the feelings of others and not threatening or hurting anyone. And, finally, respect includes dealing peacefully with anger, insults and disagreements.

Webster’s Third New International Dictionary includes in its definition of respect, “an act of noticing with attention ... consideration ... heed, care.” The fourth edition of the American Heritage Dictionary adds, “to relate or refer to.” Aspects of respect include courtesy, honor, regard, consideration, value, appreciation, cherishing and mindfulness.

Might this really be enough to raise well-behaved children?

All of the character facets listed in the many dictionary definitions and in Josephson’s description seem like admirable things to teach our children. Will they make them well-behaved in any particular person’s eyes? Out of respect, of course, I cannot speak for others. I don’t even agree with my own mother, who just today said, “You just lay down the law and that’s that” in regard to raising children. I was reminded of a comment Alan Greenspan made that rules are no substitute for character. I would have to agree.

Even though they are easier to be around, I’ve never preferred the controlled, rule-following children. Give me the inquisitive, exploring, fun-loving ones every time. They will make some mistakes. They will learn from them. They will ask us, as the adults around them, to work harder, to respect them, to answer hard questions, to think, even to question our own moral values.

But oh, how interesting they will be! How individual. How intriguing. Boundaries and limits, yes. Respect includes honoring the limits another places. Boundaries that are flexible and expand develop children’s minds and bodies.

Respect is the objective, unbiased consideration and regard for the rights, values, beliefs and property of all people. Respect, when mutual, allows for growth in diversity, learning from each other at all ages and in all walks of life.

While I do not believe it is so much about rules, but peace, love, respect, and understanding, I would propose the following for parents:

* Don’t lie to your children.

* Admit when you are wrong.

* Be willing to profess sincere regret for words or actions.

* Let children know that doing the right thing is often difficult and unpopular.

* Show respect for yourself, others and the environment. (With regard to the environment, this may be that of home, business or the Alaskan tundra, and even the law, to name just a few possibilities.)

The ever-expanding chase after the muse takes both Catharine and I to far-flung places and topics.

This time, I’ve ventured into pretty common territory. I am not saying anything new, but I see so many signs of disrespect -- in adults even more than in children -- that I don’t hesitate to say it all again.

From Immanuel Kant to Aretha Franklin to a left-wing political party in the UK, many before me have broached the subject of respect in one form or another. I’ll just stick with keeping it light and go with Aretha -- All I’m asking (hooo) is for a little respect.... “ It goes a long, long way.

* Cherril Doty is a creative life coach and artist, exploring the mysteries of life as they come. You can reach her by e-mail at cherril@cherrildoty.com or by calling 949-251-3883.

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