One message: Suicide is preventable

There is no easy way to say this.

On Dec. 3, our 43-year-old son, Bob Murray, fatally shot himself in a park near his home in Seattle. He leaves behind his wife, two teenage daughters, a brother, a mother, a father and two stepparents, plus his aunts, uncles, cousins and friends, all of whom loved him. Vic and I search for answers, but find none that make sense, other than this. Depression is a disease that kills as surely as a heart attack or cancer.

With death by suicide, we want to know what drove the person to “choose” death. We wonder why the person couldn’t have foreseen the despair that is left in the wake of such a death. But suicide is often not a true choice. It is simply the fatal outcome of the disease called depression. When depressed people are lost in a bottomless black well, they often see no light, no hope and no way out other than death.

Bob had been seriously ill recently, and rightly or wrongly, we lay the blame for his suicide on that illness. He had returned from a pheasanthunting trip with his buddies in late October and promptly fell ill with a temperature of 104. After several days of trying to deal with the fever on his own, he went to his doctor. She told him to take Tylenol and see if it got better. It didn’t. After a week of temperatures that never fell below 102, he went to the emergency room. Bob told us that he felt like he was brain damaged, and his speech supported that conclusion.

The doctors couldn’t figure out what was wrong with him. They called in a doctor from the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, who tested him for everything from bird flu to West Nile virus. The doctors concluded that he had contracted an unknown virus, probably one that was carried by a mosquito. After a month, they gave him a clean bill of health, but the damage had been done.

Bob had lost 25 pounds, which was about 15% of his body weight. Initially, his speech was slow and his ability to drive was impaired, but both of those had resolved. Bob had never been seriously sick and this brush with mortality depressed him. He said that his illness was as close as you could get to death without actually dying. You’d think that surviving it would have made him happy.

There are about 765,000 suicide attempts every year, of which about 30,000 result in death. Although women are three times more likely to attempt suicide, men tend to be more “successful” because they choose more lethal methods. Among men in the U.S., suicide is the eighth leading cause of death. Seventy-three percent of deaths by suicide involve white males, and 63% involve firearms. Of suicides by gun, 80% are white males.

But our tall, handsome, red-headed son Bob was so much more than a cold statistic. He was a loving husband and a wonderful father, closely involved in his girls’ upbringing. His life revolved around his daughters’ soccer, softball and basketball games and other school activities.

We want to raise awareness of the fact that depression is a treatable disease and that suicide is preventable. In January 2005, the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services Substance Abuse and Mental Heath Services Administration launched a National Suicide Prevention Lifeline. The number is (800) 273-TALK (8255). Someone is available 24 hours a day, seven days a week.

The holidays can be depressing for many people. Christmas is supposed to be a time of family togetherness and joy, and that can set up unrealistic expectations. If the holidays have you seriously down in the dumps, get help. No family should have to go through what we’re experiencing.

Our friends have asked if there is anything that they can do. If people are so moved, they could make a donation to the Bolsa Chica Conservancy in lieu of flowers. The money will be used to buy plants for my Orange County Conservation Corps orientation crews to plant in the Bolsa Chica wetlands. Alternatively, a trust fund has been set up for Bob’s girls, who are 12 and 16. E-mail Vic for more information.

The bottom line is that depression is a serious disease. It can kill. If you’re depressed, get help. It’s out there.

* VIC LEIPZIG and LOU MURRAY are Huntington Beach residents and environmentalists. They can be reached at vicleipzig@aol.com.

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