Families filled and fulfilled with love

“I am he

And you are me

And we are all together”

-- John Lennon and Paul McCartney

“S o what are Christian and Brooklyne to each other?” With wrinkled brow or vacant stare, we all pondered the question. Celia -- of the laughing brown eyes and quick smile -- came up with the answer I liked the best. “Family,” she said.

We had finally managed this family gathering -- ostensibly called to get the babies together. I knew better. We all did. This one was for the matriarch -- my 89-year-old mother -- though even she had declared it a chance to get the babies together. Even as I write this, I chuckle to myself. Like the 1-year-old Christian and 7-month-old Brooklyne would know!

Whatever the reasons, we were at last gathered together. It had probably taken the babies to make it happen, for with marriages came new families and we were spreading out geographically as well as in numbers and complexities of relationships. There were times when I’ve found myself longing for the “romantic” view -- a time when family stayed closer together. There is always that longing for simplicity that likes to be heard once in a while.

As the babies played around each other (no one would call what they were doing “playing together,” would they?), I thought about this family and others and what family means. I pondered each of our roles and how they had played out over the years. My brothers and sister and I had each joined with individuals from families from very different “templates” than our own and our children stretched boundaries even further. I thought about families as systems and how they -- and this one in particular -- work.

Virginia Satir, in her work on family systems, often used the metaphor of a mobile to explain the principle of balance in the systems. While much of her work dealt with the way dysfunctional systems were created and maintained, I have always liked the visual I got of this mobile, dancing in the air as the wind or other movement created the shifts and balances.

But, wait! I was over-thinking things as usual. I was there for the enjoyment of the moment. My family always says I think too much and ask too many questions. Maybe they’re right. What did this moment hold? (OK, so I just changed the style of the questioning.)

What did I notice? From my worm’s eye view on my belly on the floor with the babies, so many things popped out at me. There was so much to notice from the soft color of my mother’s newly cut and colored hair to the loud trilling of the mockingbird outside the front door at my sister’s house.

Rich, spicy aromas emanating from the kitchen drifted through the house as did the sound of laughter and voices catching up with each others’ lives. I noticed and admired the tender, loving way my son-in-law Patrick played with nephew Pete’s daughter, Brooklyne. Pete’s wife, Celia, is a wonderful addition to our family, with her grace and beauty and caring nature. I watched her interact with each of us with such ease.

What was most wonderful? I suppose that this gathering was actually happening and with such ease. Family roles seemed to be shifting and dancing as that mobile of family turned on the breeze. Maybe these babies actually had been what brought us all together.

My heart warmed to see my own grandson, Christian, with whom I am so close, gently exploring and tracing the folds of my sister’s skin. My sister and I -- four years apart in age -- are so very different and yet clearly alike in some ways to this 1-year-old’s eyes.

I could not help but think of the ways in which our small family mirrored the larger view. We are family ... We are all family. Each addition and shift increases the beauty of the dance. And, while in our family we were satisfying the wish of my mother, we were all “filled” and fulfilled by this culmination of her wish. My wish is that, somehow, the larger family of humankind can come together, too, for John and Paul were right, “I am he and you are me and we are all together.”

* Cherril Doty is a creative life coach and artist, exploring the mysteries of life as they come. You can reach her by e-mail at cherril@cherrildoty.com or by calling 949-251-3883.

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