How not to parent on the sports field

I would not have believed this story had I not witnessed it.

First, some perspective on why I am qualified to pass judgment on the people involved and the events that took place.

And no, I don’t mind passing judgment in this case. It is our failure to admonish people when you believe they have crossed the line that causes this type of behavior to happen over and over, as shocking as it is.

So, here’s the background: I coached my kids in softball, soccer and baseball for nine years. I was a Little League umpire for a season and a half and between those two activities I have witnessed some incredibly bad parental behavior, including that of a coach on a team I was managing. That guy got thrown out of the game and the park but kept talking trash and almost got our game forfeited.

But nothing beats this story.

It was a hot day, but it would never get as hot as the tempers that flared that day.

On the local baseball diamond, two youth baseball teams were in the first inning of a playoff game. The tournament was a double elimination, meaning that if you lose twice you are out of the playoffs.

Both of these teams had won their first and only games so far.

The visitors bat first. One of the batters hit a high foul ball behind the catcher. It was very high and no doubt hard to see against the sun.

The catcher stood under it squinting with his glove out. The ball dropped in the glove, then popped out and fell to the ground. The batter returned to the plate to finish his battle with the pitcher.

Misplays like that one occur in every game at this level. In fact, they occur a lot in the big leagues, too. Angels’ superstar Vladimir Guerrero, for example, is getting a well-deserved reputation for dropping fly balls out there in right field. He dropped another one last Saturday against Cleveland that cost the Angels two runs and the game.

There are so many errors that Major League Baseball keeps those statistics as one of the three boxes next to the score on the scoreboard at every game.

But this play was different. Immediately after the ball was dropped, the catcher’s father belittled him loudly, in front of all the other parents, the coaches and the members of both teams.

It wasn’t only what the father said, it was the way he said it. There was rage in his voice.

As he picked up the ball, the young catcher’s face turned full of anger and resentment, and he yelled back, “Shut up!”

Then things got interesting.

The father yelled back in front of everyone: “I’ll take you out of the game, you hear me, boy? And don’t think I won’t do it!”

There was an instant buzz in the stands of the opposing team. Many of those who heard the father ridicule his son were wondering how an adult could say something like that and in that tone in front of other people. Some were not surprised, but more on that later.

The father got the last word, but that wasn’t good enough. When the inning was over, the father walked over to the fence where his son’s team had gathered for a between-inning pep talk.

Through the fence, in front the kid’s teammates and coaches, he yelled, “You talk to me in front of parents like that again and you’ll be playing your last game!”

More buzz from the opposing team’s grandstand section.

There was no buzz from the belligerent father’s team’s parents because it was nothing new.

“It’s been bad but this is the worst it’s been,” said one parent.

The buzz continued.

After a couple of minutes, a mom from the belittled catcher’s team walked over to the parents on the opposing team and told them to “shut up.”

“It’s over,” she said.

Unfortunately, it’s not over. Mean, hurtful fathers such as the one on that day will continue to verbally abuse their children in public because they know they will get away with it; because no one has the courage or the sense of right and wrong to stand up and say, “Stop it!”

But wait, there’s more!

In what has to be the most twisted attempt at reconciliation, the manager of the verbally abused catcher’s team actually walked over to the father between innings and told him he would ask the man’s son to come over and apologize to him.

That’s how far off the mark we have moved.

I have a better idea, coach. Next game, why not tell this disturbed father to go get his kicks somewhere else? Tell him that these kids are under enough pressure to perform.

A few messages to a few people: To the mom who came over and told everyone to “shut up,”: you’re just plain rude and your moral compass is broken. Too bad you didn’t spend your energy telling that father what he can do with his bad attitude.

To the coach whose misguided attempt at reconciliation may have made things worse: Many kids involved in youth sports do so not only because they love the particular game, but because it is an outlet for them, a haven. You are often the dad they do not have, the role model they look forward to seeing a few times a week.

I know that your intentions were good, but in the future, you may want to look beyond the field to the bigger picture.

To the verbally abusive father: Thank you for proving something I have maintained for years. That is: any male with a functioning reproductive system and a willing female partner can be a father.

But it takes patience, wisdom, selflessness and a good heart to be a dad. Judging by the qualities you showed, you may have fathered your son, but you are no dad.

My hope for you is that you seek counseling, with or without your son as you have unresolved issues that are spilling out into the public arena and that’s a bad thing.

And finally, to the kid who was the subject of the attack: I could tell you that the sweetest revenge you could have on your father is to quit sports so you can deny him the opportunity to lash out at you again.

The problem is, you are a good baseball player. So good that you were barely affected by something that would have thrown most kids off their game.

Work hard and remember that your father is teaching you something that will serve you well when you are a parent. He is teaching you exactly how not to behave.