REEL CRITICS:’Pirates of the Caribbean’ sequel only treads water

Producer Jerry Bruckenheimer is known for wretched excess in his mind-numbing action flicks. “Armageddon,” “Con Air” and “Gone in Sixty Seconds” are just a few examples. And yet, he is able to tone down the overkill to make mainstream blockbusters like “Top Gun” and “Beverly Hills Cop” that keep him at the top of Hollywood’s money-makers.

Elements of both formulas are present in “Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man’s Chest.” The great actors Johnny Depp, Orlando Bloom and Keira Knightly are on board. But they are just going through the motions playing cardboard versions of the characters who gave real life to the first “Pirates” movie. The supporting actors are so slimy and grimy you can almost smell their putrid clothes and rotten teeth. Their makeup is great, but they are so repulsive you won’t care what happens to any of them.

The real stars of this movie are the relentless special effects in the style of “Indiana Jones.” Cannibals, sea monsters and zombies repeatedly threaten to kill the good guys in harrowing attacks. Children and teenagers addicted to video games may find all these stunts amusing. Adults with an IQ higher than their shoe size will not.

The frenzied action sequences go on for so long they become pointless and boring in spite of their furious pace. It’s an endless parade of crazy exploits with no purpose or meaning other than taking your money. It’s tedious to watch and way too long at more than two-and-a-half hours.