THE GOSSIPING GOURMET: Mish-mash hodgepodge is a misto meze

Ti Amo is an appealing blend of charm and kitsch, from its Moroccan-flavored entryway to its Disneyesque gothic décor upstairs to its cabana-like draped dining alcoves on the patio.

There are five small, separate dining rooms and a roof-top outdoor terrace, transforming what was once a Laguna cottage into someone’s idea of an Italian villa. The proportions of the cottage just don’t lend themselves to such grandiose pretensions but this didn’t stop anyone from trying.

There are heavy damask draperies, dripping candelabras and an enormous, slightly dusty, dried-flower arrangement on the mantelpiece, straight out of the Haunted House at Disneyland.

Downstairs on the patio, there is a 60-foot pine tree towering through a glass roof, walls adorned with fake stone plaques autographed by famous clients from George Bush to Mick Jagger, with assorted tchotchkes everywhere. Yet, surprisingly, this pastiche of elements creates a pleasing ambience that is at once both inviting and romantic.

The menu is also a bit of a hodgepodge. Advertised as Mediterranean, it wanders from Italy to Spain to France but also journeys to the Pacific rim with dishes like seared sesame-crusted ahi tuna served over a bed of buckwheat pasta with soy sesame-seed dressing or hoisin lemon-marinated mixed seafood grill served over coconut saffron rice with papaya and almonds.

While perusing this interesting menu, we were served a basket of warmed focaccia bread with a superb creamy tapenade, redolent of garlic with nice hints of anchovy. The bread was not the usual cottony product that passes for focaccia these days.

After memorizing the menu and consuming quite a bit of bread, our waitress still had not appeared. Finally, she whizzed by saying, “Be with you soon.” Sooner turned out to be later.

She was serving a table of 12 across the room and we thought perhaps that was the problem, but unfortunately that wasn’t the case.

We are always willing to give a server the benefit of the doubt since they take grief for all that goes wrong in a restaurant — shortage of staff, grouchy cooks, burnt entrées etc. — but a word of acknowledgment or apology to the customer is enough for us. Nothing of the kind occurred. We had to pour our own wine, ask for water, send back one of our entrées with another waiter, and request to see a dessert menu. It certainly detracted from the dining experience.

Since we had 25 minutes to study the menu, we debated between mussels in a saffron fennel broth; crispy ravioli filled with duck confit; sun-dried apricot and goat cheese, drizzled with honey and balsamic glaze; or the puff pastry with Italian mushrooms, sun-dried tomatoes and a Madeira, shallot and thyme sauce.

We chose the latter and it was the hit of the evening. The mushrooms were absolutely wonderful, cooked so they still had a bit of texture, perked up with the salty tartness of the sun-dried tomatoes and balanced with the luscious, sweet and buttery sauce. In addition, the portion was enormous.

As good as it was, we simply couldn’t finish it and required a doggy bag. This in dramatic contrast to the meal we had at the Stonehill Tavern the previous week where all portions, though gorgeous, were Lilliputian.

There is a nice selection of salads including arugula and exotic greens with crisp calamari, green apples, cherry tomatoes and mozzarella in spicy plum dressing, as well as a grilled white and green jumbo asparagus drizzled with white truffle oil, wild mushrooms and (Parmesan) Reggiano cheese.

The pasta dishes are definitely Italian. There is spaghetti Bolognese, ravioli marinara, rigatoni with peppers and sausage and linguine with clams. Slightly less traditional are homemade ravioli filled with slow-cooked short ribs in vegetable stew and beef broth or the bow-tie pasta with smoked chicken and sun-dried tomato in an oven-roasted tomato and brandy cream sauce.

Our selection was linguine ai frutti di mare. This classic dish features shrimp, mussels, clams, calamari and fresh fish (in this case swordfish) in a spicy tomato broth, served over linguine. Once again, the portion was Brobdingnagian.

The seafood and fish were fresh tasting and nicely cooked with the exception of the mussels, which were briny. The seafood juices infused the fresh tomato sauce to create a light and appetizing broth.

Our only complaint was that although it was advertised as spicy, it was not. However, this was easily remedied by asking a passing waiter for some red pepper flakes. There was no way we could finish this portion when we had our entrée to come. The doggie bags were piling up on the table.

Whenever duck appears on a menu we are inclined to order it as it is one of our favorites and a good test of the kitchen’s skill. When cooking duck breast, it must be tender and rare. Overcooking will make it tough. If roasting duck, the skin should be crackling, and if you are making confit, the skin should be crispy, and the meat soft and well salted.

Ti Amo offers honey-roasted duck two ways: medium-rare breast and confit of leg and thigh with cranberry vinaigrette and sweet potato risotto. When the dish arrived, we were disappointed to see that the breast was well done.

Since our waitress was nowhere in sight, we once again summoned a passing waiter to return the dish and bring us duck that was rare. The second coming was closer to medium rare but somewhat tough. The confit was inedible. Neither of us could manage more than one bite. It was tough, dry and gamey. The sweet potato risotto was overcooked and had the color but no recognizable taste of sweet potato.

The gentleman at the next table had a very large and attractive paella a la Valenciana, loaded with seafood, sausage and chicken. Jumbo scallops crusted with sweet pink peppercorns in a lemon-vanilla sauce with sweet corn herbed risotto sounded appealing as did the napoleon of pork tenderloin with a maple balsamic glaze and a sun-dried fruit chutney.

Even though we shared everything and had two large doggie bags of leftovers, we still could not find room for even a spoonful worth of dessert.

If you have teenagers with you, perhaps someone will have room for the “coffee and donuts” — a cappuccino semi-freddo mousse served with hot cinnamon donut holes or that great Mediterranean favorite, milk and cookies. These are homemade pecan-almond sandwich cookies filled with orange-butter cream and served with iced cold milk.

Of course, there is tiramisu, spumoni and crème brulée as well as flourless chocolate cake and banana bread pudding, a Ti Amo favorite.

The generally good food and the fancifully romantic atmosphere, which differs from room to room, makes for a new experience with each visit. Perhaps this accounts for the fact that natives and tourists alike have been coming back year after year.