COMMENTS & CURIOSITIES:

It’s cooling down a little. Not the weather, the latest airport stress test. After last week’s terrorist plot was broken up in England, liquids and gels became the newest no-way, no-how, not-ever items, now that nail clippers and scissors are off the hook. British officials believe last week’s plot, which apparently targeted 10 planes bound from the U.K. to the Colonies, involved innocent-looking liquids and gels in carry-on bags that could have been mixed to produce an improvised explosive device.

Therefore, until further notice, you can pack as much water, soda, Gatorade, Oil of Olay, sunscreen, Nivea, Noxema, Neet’s Foot Oil, Crisco, RC Cola, Ipana, Bag Balm, Veuve Cliquot, YooHoo, Polident, Elmer’s, Old Spice and even fava beans and a nice Chianti in your checked baggage as you’d like, but if they find any of that in your carry-on, you are busted.

The day after the London plot was uncovered, getting through security at Heathrow Airport was running between three and six hours, a chilling thought in and of itself. Things were not that bad here, with delays at John Wayne Airport running between one and two hours the day after the plot was revealed.

As reported in these very pages, most passengers took it with a shrug and a sigh.

“We had to repack this morning, but it did not take too long,” said Elaine Williams of Corona del Mar who was on her way to Seattle.

“They’re doing their job, so it’s a cool deal — just a little hassle,” said San Clemente resident Robert Strand, who was heading to Tucson.

Transportation Security Administration spokesman Nico Melendez suggested visiting the TSA website, www.tsa.gov, to find out exactly what can be taken on board while the new rules are in effect. Sounded like a good idea, so I did. Very interesting, I tell you.

First off, the site is well done, easy-to-use and actually a little hip — for a government agency anyway. There is an odd amount of self-promotion, however. The new carry-on rules are not the lead item on the website. The lead item is last Thursday’s security alert at the Huntington, W.Va., airport. When traces of an explosive substance were found on two items in a woman’s carry-on, the Huntington Tri-State Airport was shut down for a few hours. Both the woman and the suspect bottles were cleared after further examination, and the all-clear was sounded.

Frankly, I didn’t think much of the story when I first heard it. I don’t know how terrorists decide where and when they’re going to come at us next, but I don’t think too many of them jump up at the secret meeting, slap their forehead and say, “Jeez, why I didn’t I think of this sooner — Huntington, W.Va.!”

The TSA on the other hand does think it was a major deal, as noted on its website.

“From the smallest regional airport to the largest hub, our security officers, using their training and technology, are the key to ensuring we protect the flying public,” said TSA’s Assistant Secretary Kip Hawley. “I applaud [the officers involved] not only for their technical expertise but for the professionalism they displayed in managing this situation. While it appears that these items were ultimately not a threat, these officers did everything right and exemplify the skill and talent of our excellent workforce nationwide.”

Oh, OK. Now I feel safer.

When I did find the list of new no-nos, it was pretty easy to understand — for a government agency, anyway.

Until further notice, you cannot carry on any liquids, aerosols, creams, sprays or gels of any kind, whether food or drink, cosmetic or healthcare products. There are some exceptions: up to 4 ounces of eye drops and saline solution, prescription medication, baby formula and baby food. Taking your shoes off, the ongoing legacy of convicted shoe-bomber Richard Reid — who was not only the goofiest-looking terrorist in the history of terrorism but, fortunately, one of the most inept — is mandatory until further notice. You no longer have a choice whether to bare your tootsies.

Lighters and matches get a lot of attention, another nod to Richard Reid.

That’s also where things take a strange turn.

Bless their hearts, the federal government tries hard to communicate, but they’re just not very good at it. There is this: “You cannot bring lighters (fueled or without fuel) in carry-on luggage or on your person going through the security checkpoint.”

Simple enough.

But then this: “You may take up to 2 fueled Zippo lighters in your checked baggage if they are properly enclosed in a DOT approved case.”

Hmm. What is a “DOT approved case”? And with 1,214 kinds of lighters in the world, the only kind you can carry in your checked baggage is a Zippo? If someone has a Bic or a no-name lighter or a fancy-schmancy Dunhill lighter in their checked baggage, are they going to the big house? It has to be a Zippo? I don’t get it.

The discussion of matches takes an even stranger turn: “You may not bring matches in your checked baggage because of safety regulations. You may, however, bring up to four books of safety matches in your carry-on baggage or on your person.”

Excuse me, but why does anyone need to have matches on a plane, let alone four books of them? If we’re stressed out about a lighter on board — which is OK in checked baggage as long as it’s a Zippo — why do we not care about matches, which are exactly what Richard Reid was trying to light his sneaker with?

Also found in the Curious Folder on the list of OKs and not-OKs, the TSA singles out “toy transformer robots,” which are allowed in both carry-on and checked baggage in case you’re worried. Fortunately, baseball bats, bows and arrows, swords, sabers and spear guns are allowed in checked baggage but not on board, which is a good thing.

“Excuse me, miss, but the man in 17B keeps firing his spear gun at us.”

Finally, there is the rule change that was put in place some months ago but still mystifies me: Carrying a screwdriver on board is OK, as long as it’s 7-inches long or less. Can you think of a reason why a passenger on an airplane needs a screwdriver? Me neither.

So that’s it then, the new rules and regs according to the TSA. Apparently, Vicks Vapo-Rub and Gatorade can be deadly, but a 7-inch screwdriver and four books of matches, not so much. Everyone stay clam, we’ll all get through this, and if they find a lighter in your suitcase, it had better be a Zippo.

I gotta go.