COMMENTS & CURIOSITIES:Let out the goofs and the spooks

“There are strange things done in the midnight sun by the men who moil for gold; The Arctic trails have their secret tales that would make your blood run cold.” I didn’t write that, but I thought it was a nice, spooky introduction for Halloween. It’s the first two lines from one of my favorite poems, “The Cremation of Sam McGee” by Robert Service.

Anyway, Halloween is back, happens every year, my all-time favorite holiday. Is there a holiday more fun, more meaningless and more goofy than Halloween? There is not, with the possible exception of Groundhog Day.

I’ve given you the complete and detailed history of Halloween before, but here’s the Reader’s Digest version: Most of what we do at Halloween started with the Celts, ancient people who loved basketball and lived in what is now Great Britain and Ireland from about 500 BC on. Every year, at the end of our month of October, there was a Celtic festival called Samhain, which means “end of summer,” as if you didn’t know that. Samhain was a cross between a religious festival and an end-of-summer party and all the fun stuff we associate with Halloween — black cats, jack-o-lanterns, spooky costumes — were part of the Celts’ Samhain ragers.

Speaking of costumes, spooky and otherwise, what are the big winners and crowd pleasers in 2006? According to Extreme Halloween, an online purveyor of Halloween and party costumes, Captain Jack Sparrow from “Pirates of the Caribbean” fame is the bell ringer. Not only is it the get-up of choice for over 40% of men and boys, but a slight majority of teenage and adult women are looking for sexy Captain Jack outfits this year.

For kids, it’s all about age. For little kids, the most popular cartoon characters are Elmo, Strawberry Shortcake (what is that?), Backyardigans (ditto), Scooby Doo, Sponge Bob Squarepants and Dora the Explorer. It is interesting to note that both Barney and the Teletubbies have fallen off the charts, which I hope means they are gone, but I doubt it. Disney characters are huge, as always, as are superheroes, especially that hunka-hunka burning steel Superman, Batman and Wonder Woman. I’m surprised that young girls these days still favor Wonder Woman. Isn’t she pretty much gonzo too?

I gotta get out more.

Very young boys favor pirates (see Captain Jack, above), cowboys, and when they get a little older, Harry Potter. A huge majority of little girls still want to be sissy-girlie princesses, which I suspect will always be the case, but switch over to witches when they get a little older. The most popular costumes for babies are ladybugs, and the most popular pet costumes are Yoda Dog, 23.8% (what is that?) and my personal favorite, the Cat from Hell, 25.3%.

Speaking of witches, with Halloween upon us, I got to wondering if there are any left. The Celts are gone, Halloween is still here, and so are the cats and the pumpkins, but what happened to the witches? More to the point, are there any witches around here?

My mouse and I did a little sniffing around, and believe it or not we found all sorts of witches and warlocks other practitioners of the paranormal right here in our little corner of the universe, the land of the $2,000 handbag and the million-dollar starter home.

At MeetUp.com — a clearinghouse for news and interest groups for people who are into everything from Tibetan cooking to toy poodles — a few clicks turned up “meetup groups” in Orange County for witches, goddesses, ghost trackers, and my personal favorite, the Orange County Vampire Meetup Group, whose “About Us” section proves that just because you are undead and 400 years old, doesn’t mean you can’t be friendly: “Meet other vampires near you! Come to a local Vampire Meetup to mingle with the awakened and share sanguine tales and dark greetings with your fellow kindred.”

I assume they only meet at night, and we need to define “dark greetings” a little more before I give it a try.

The Wicca religion and its practitioners are also popular. Wicca, as if you didn’t know, is a neo-pagan religion that worships the forces of nature — earth, wind and fire — not to be confused with Earth, Wind & Fire as in “You’re a shining star, no matter who you are.” That’s someone else.

There are also some big names in the Orange County witch biz that pop up again and again. There is Mistress Prime from Anaheim, which sort of rhymes. I must say Mistress Prime and her group sound every bit as friendly as the vampires: “Hello! I am the organizer for both the Orange County Pagan and Witches Meetups. If you have any questions or would just like to chat, email me through the Meetup website or say hello at an OC Meetup!” Mistress Prime is a pleasant looking young woman whose credentials sound oddly corporate for a witch: “I am a founding member of the Circle of Amorsoluna, a coven based in Orange County, CA. I am the First Officer for the Orange County Local Council of Covenant of the Goddess and a National Public Information Officer (West).” Now that’s when you know there are a lot of witches out there — when you need to split the National Public Information Officer responsibilities into East and West.

Jamie Wood, a very pretty witch from Orange, is just as perky if not perkier. In fact, I think she wins the Spirit Award for Orange County witches: “I’m an eclectic faery witch with strong tendencies to Native and Buddhist spirituality. I’ve written The Wicca Cookbook, The Wicca Herbal, The Teen Spell Book, and The Enchanted Diary. Hope to meet you all soon.” Did you know that witches have cookbooks? I didn’t. Martha Stewart meets the black arts. You could have knocked me over with a raven’s feather.

There you have it. Everything you always wanted to know about Halloween, the Orange County Vampire Meetup Group and the Cat from Hell but were too afraid to ask. Boo.

I gotta go.