THE BELL CURVE:Balloon complaint is baloney

Followers of this space will remember my friend and neighbor Treb Heining. He’s the “balloon man” who leaves his mark each New Year’s Eve on revelers in New York’s Times Square and regularly on such other signal public events as our political conventions and the Super Bowl. In between, he turns his magic on dozens of less visible events. But, most important of all, he lights up our neighborhood with his illuminated balloons and generous good will.

He’s an artist with balloons, and one of his favorite palettes is Halloween. On that night, he hands out very special balloons to the first 300 trick-or-treaters at his home, watched over by an enormous exclamation point of balloons he calls the Great Pumpkin that pokes an orange finger of bright light high into the sky.

And when the pirates and princesses have gone home to count their loot, the trick-or-treaters of drinking age drop by Treb’s house for a glass of wine, a bowl of his wife Tanya’s magnificent chili and some seasonal talk, heavy on football. A happy grown-up ending to a kids’ holiday.

But this year, the ending took on a different tone. It came in the mail, two days after Halloween, addressed to “Balloon Guy,” with the cryptic return address, “Neighbor.”

The letter read:

“Did you ever stop to think of your neighbors when you put up your self-promotional Halloween display? Did you ever consider the damage done to your neighbors’ property by the hordes of people your self-promotion draws? These visitors don’t all have the best intentions, regardless of your delusions.

“Tell me this: If your neighbor was doing this, and you weren’t, and your property was being trampled on, how … would you feel? Be advised, I’m going to look into whether you need a city permit for this. Very tired of this … one of your fed-up neighbors.”

Treb is a sensitive man. Although he has been putting on his Halloween show to nothing but good notices for 15 years, he was concerned at the possibility that other folks shared the view of his letter-writer. And so he circulated a letter of his own around the neighborhood saying he would discontinue the Great Pumpkin if one other negative view came back.

Predictably, none did. What came back was love and support.

And so, we’ll have the Great Balloon Pumpkin again next year, and those of us who know Treb so well — whose smallest yard parties have been graced by his generosity — will be left to wonder at the anger of the anonymous letter writer who would deprive new generations of neighborhood kids of his artistry.

Treb has authorized me to make an offer here. He says he will be glad to supply balloons gratis at this anonymous letter writer’s next party if he or she will surface for a face-to-face talk. Our monthly poker club — of which Treb is a member — considered briefly devoting several pots to a reward fund leading to identification of the letter writer, but like most proposals on poker night, it got lost in the next hand.

If Treb’s Halloween balloon display is, indeed, self-promotional, it has the enthusiastic support of his neighbors, one of whom spoke for all of us when he wrote Treb: “Thanks for your effort each year. It really is a great tradition.”