WHAT’S SO FUNNY:Trials of a PIN-head

I wonder if anyone else has password problems.

Like most of you, I have proliferating secret passwords and PIN numbers, protecting me from today’s sophisticated thieves.

We all need protection from each other, sad to say; a guy assumed my identity — or at least my Social Security number — a few years ago.

There are times when I wouldn’t mind letting somebody else be me for a while, but if all he’s going to do is charge various items and not pitch in on my problems, I’d rather just be me by myself.

Whoever it was quit doing it after I notified everybody. Now when I go to the bank, I have to tell them my mother’s maiden name even though I’ve been a customer since 1979.

I now have nearly a dozen PIN numbers and passwords. It seems you can’t open anything personal without one anymore, and it worries me because I can’t remember them all. I’m afraid someday I’m going to be refused access to myself.

They say you should have different ones, so a bad guy can’t steal everything with one lucky guess. Some accounts want a password that’s four digits, some six or more. Some say it has to be a combination of numbers and letters so it’s hard to steal. Well, it’s also hard to remember, because it leaves you with passwords like “MoDzvY3w.”

I could write each PIN down, but that’s not very secret. I’d have to put the written-down number in a safe deposit box and then visit it to recall it.

I’m taking a course at Saddleback College, and my professor posted a recent assignment on the Internet blackboard on my student site. My student site requires a PIN number for access. I’m not sure what a criminal mastermind would want on my student site, but he’s not going to get it.

And the other day, neither did I because I forgot my PIN number. It wasn’t my anniversary date. It wasn’t my birthday. It wasn’t my lucky number. And I couldn’t guess further because I got locked out for 24 hours for “excessive failures.”

“Excessive failures.” That’s a harsh assessment. That’s grounds for divorce. I didn’t even feel like trying again after that.

I figured the number out the next day, but it took another student to give me a hint.

PIN numbers make us safer from each other, and that’s good. But I look down the road and I see my PIP — or personal identification problem — staring me in the face. I’ve seen the writing on the screen. Someday I’m going to be so secure I’ll be outside my own life and unable to look in.