Etiquette, gift-giving for gracious guests

Everyone’s seen the holiday party slob or the guest who’s had too much to drink and lets everyone know about it.

To avoid waking up Jan. 1 and wondering if you were that person, keep in mind that there is certain party etiquette to abide by in order to be invited back.

Before making a grand entrance, keep in mind that it is proper to bring a hostess gift if attending a cocktail or dinner party. Many people grab a bottle of wine or a bouquet of flowers, but that is not necessarily the best gift to bring, Costa Mesa-based Prezents Inc. President Diana Martin said Saturday.

And Martin would know. Her 18-year-old company specializes in designing appropriate gifts for everyone from Fortune 500 companies to someone who needs help finding the perfect present, including hostess gifts.

“The traditional wine or flower gifts one gives for parties are great gifts but very predictable,” Martin said in her West 17th Street office. “Well mannered guests may find they want to bring a gift with more ingenuity and indulgence — it fosters better goodwill and fellowship.”

The problem with bringing a bottle of wine or champagne is multifaceted. The host may be a sophisticated oenophile and already have painstakingly chosen what he or she wanted to serve. This can, in turn, make the gift-giver feel that their bottle was inadequate, which may not be true at all.

“You shouldn’t put pressure on the host or hostess,” Martin said. “Flowers are wonderful, but you need to put them someplace.”

Having a host find a vase, fill it with water and find a place for it may be a burden when he or she is trying to cater to all the guests.

But if flowers are the perfect gift for the person, etiquette expert Naomi Torre Poulson suggested sending flowers before or after the occasion.

In lieu of these gifts, Martin suggested finding something the host may not purchase for themselves, like artisan salts or truffle olive oil for someone who loves cooking. Beautiful multipurpose dishes are also ideal, Martin said. A party guest may want to find a small box of high-end specialty chocolates made by a boutique purveyor. She suggested those made by chocolatier Michel Cluizel, which she called “the best chocolate in the world.”

Cocktail napkins, whether they are simple or ornate, are always a nice gift for an entertainer, Martin said.

The price of a gift isn’t important, but the appearance of quality and thoughtfulness is, Martin said. She added that people should never feel uncomfortable giving a small gift.

If the guest has run out of time, a simple card with a nice note and an invitation for a movie, drinks or lunch would suffice, Martin said.

Once the gift is taken care of, make sure you’re dressed appropriately. Poulson said men and women should always dress up to the occasion.

“Women love to dress up, and a woman truly appreciates a man who goes through the effort of complimenting what she’s wearing,” Poulson said. “She shouldn’t have to beg him to put on a tie.”

One of the major don’ts is having too much to drink.

“Obviously, being drunk is never appropriate, so we don’t over drink ever,” Poulson said. “I just don’t know how to put that any other way. It shows a lack of dignity to be fall-down drunk, and you can’t use an excuse of a party to do that.”

Be sure to strike up conversation, but avoid topics that could be considered controversial including politics, religion and sex, both women said.

The weather, the party and the “basic journalistic questions, the who, what, where, when, why and how” are always safe.

Poulson suggested not asking about a person’s line of work until more properly acquainted.

Etiquette is Poulson’s area of expertise. She runs a Dana Point-based operation called the Etiquette School and has written “A Gentleman’s Guide to Entertaining,” which covers party etiquette more in depth.

After the party, be sure to send a note or call thanking the host. The most important part of being a guest is being gracious, Martin said.

The most important part of being a host is being welcoming and making people feel comfortable.

FOR THE HOST

Diana Martin, president of Costa Mesa-based Prezents Inc., offers her top 10 gifts for party hosts.