COMMENTS & CURIOSITIES:History of April’s fools

Today, I’m going to do something that matters, something that touches your life. Something that makes a difference in the world, something that’s relevant, insightful and intelligent.

Oh, wait — April Fools! — as if you didn’t know that all along.

I shouldn’t have said “intelligent.” That was a dead giveaway. At any rate, there are some strange things in this world, but few stranger than today, April Fools Day.

Whose idea was this anyway? It was the French, if you must know. They started it all in the 16th century. As is so often the case with ancient customs, it all started with mankind’s never-ending, insatiable desire to throw a party.

April 1 was the first day of the year in those days and people had been throwing major ragers to celebrate the New Year since the beginning of time, which was a really long time ago.

That all worked until 1562, when Pope Gregory introduced the calendar we use today which, oddly enough, is called the Gregorian Calendar. One day, the Pope called everyone together and said, “Listen up, people. Remember how we used to do the New Year’s stuff on April 1st?”

“Yes, sir,” they answered.

“We’re done with that. From now on, it’s January 1st. Any questions?”

“No, sir,” they said.

“Good,” he said. Then everyone cheered.

But, as always, some people didn’t get the word and continued to celebrate New Year’s Day on April 1st — parties and all — especially in France.

Their neighbors ridiculed and taunted them, sending them on wild goose chases, or made up stories about terrible things happening in the next house or the next village.

If they fell for it, the neighbors would call them “April Fools” with all the rudeness and contempt they could muster. The descendants of those neighbors, by the way, are what we call “waiters” in France today.

Later on, April Fools became a children’s tradition, with les enfants going to great lengths on April 1st to secretly tape a paper fish on their friends’ backs. When the victim discovered the trick, everyone yelled “Poisson d’Avril!” which means, “Poison Advil!”

No it doesn’t. I made that up. It means “April Fish.” That’s the joke. One kid gets stuck with the paper fish and everyone else screams “Poisson d’Avril!”

I guess you had to be there.

There is a long history of famous, and infamous, April Fools Day hoaxes around the world, although I’m not sure what’s more bizarre — the hoaxes or the number of people who fall for them.

Newspapers and broadcasters have a long tradition of sending out April Fools Day stories. It’s an annual event at the BBC, which tries to fool its viewers with at least one loopy report every April 1.

Its most successful was one of the first — a 1957 story on a BBC news program called “Panorama” that claimed that “spaghetti trees” had been developed in Switzerland, and showed somber-faced Swiss farm workers “harvesting” spaghetti hanging on the trees.

For days, the BBC received thousands of calls from viewers who wanted to know where they could get a spaghetti tree of their own.

On April 1, 1976, British astronomer Patrick Moore played along with an announcement on BBC Radio that an odd alignment of the planets would result in a slight “reversal” of the Earth’s gravity at exactly 9:47 a.m. and that anyone who could jump high enough at that moment would experience a “strange floating sensation.”

At the appointed hour, people across the UK were hopping their hearts out and dozens of people called BBC Radio to tell them they could definitely feel it.

On April 1, 1993, a San Diego radio station ran a false “breaking news” story that the Space Shuttle, which was just returning from a successful flight, had been diverted from Edwards Air Force Base to Lindbergh Field due to high winds. People swarmed to the airport to get a peek at the first Space Shuttle landing in downtown San Diego.

In 1998, Burger King ran an ad in USA Today saying that they were introducing a special Whopper for left-handed people with a special bun that would ensure the condiments would drip out the right side.

And yes, people stepped up to the counter at Burger Kings across the country and asked for the left-handed Whopper.

On April 1, 1996, Taco Bell ran a full-page ad in the New York Times announcing that they had bought the Liberty Bell to help reduce the national debt and that it would now be known as the Taco Liberty Bell. In one of the greatest feats of quick thinking in history, when asked about the story at that morning’s White House press briefing, then-Press Secretary Mike McCurry said he had seen the ad, but he had also heard that Ford Motor Company had bought the Lincoln Memorial and that it would now be known as the Lincoln-Mercury Memorial.

Lastly, on April 1, 1997, the Cartoon Network ran an old cartoon of “Screwy Squirrel” — a popular cartoon character in 40s and 50s from MGM. They ran the same ragged black and white Screwy Squirrel cartoon continuously from 6 a.m. to 6 p.m., interrupted only by a graphic saying that Screwy Squirrel had taken over the network and asked viewers to notify the authorities.

In what must have been a major blow to the Cartoon Network’s ego, there is no record of anyone calling anyone, including the network.

So there you have it, the complete April Fools primer on spaghetti trees, the Lincoln-Mercury Memorial and Screwy Squirrel. If you want to try something different this year, try yelling “Poison Advil” at people. Couldn’t be any more whacked than the rest of this stuff.

I gotta go.