FAIR GAME:

One of my daughters gave me her Christmas list last week. And, to be honest, even with her being 24 years old, I wish she’d go back to sitting on Santa’s lap and telling him, and not me, what she wants.

The list was long.

It was impressive.

And it was also expensive.

The list reminded me of something a buying manager at Bloomingdale’s or Nordstrom might use as a checkoff list for incoming merchandise.

You have the Diane von Furstenberg dresses.

Check.

The Tory Burch Satchel, in black, of course.

Check.

Tory Burch Reva Ballerina flats and Patent Ali sandals.

Check. Check.

Steve Madden Tianna suede boots; and the list continued, pants, tank tops, button-up blouses, sleeveless sweaters and “reasonably priced” business suits. Notice “suits” and not “suit.”

Check. Check. Check. Check. Check.

In fact, there were four name-brand perfumes, because as her typed list stated, “I love to change it up!”

A Tiffany necklace.

And for stocking stuffers, simple but necessary certificates for a massage, facial and even a nail polishing.

Now, I don’t know how exactly to tell my daughter this, but my divorce from her mother didn’t cost me this much.

In fact, I remember back as a kid when a big Christmas meant getting a bobble-headed Willie Mays doll, a bottle of Old Spice and a white button-down shirt from Auntie Flo.

Boy, have times changed.

Which got me thinking, maybe I’m doing all this Christmas gift giving stuff wrong.

I see these messages and ads to “Feel good about yourself and adopt a family for the holidays.”

So it got me thinking, why not sign up?

After all, this is what Christmas really is about.

Now, don’t get me wrong. I’m not signing up to adopt a family, mind you. I’m looking for someone to adopt my family.

So here goes:

Family of four.

Lives in Newport Beach.

Father, likes to golf.

Mother, likes her husband to golf. Not really, but remember, I’m writing the column.

Daughter, 24, wants everything, needs nothing.

Daughter, 21, same as sister.

So, if the spirit moves you, and you buy into the philosophy of what I’ve taught my daughter over the years, that it is truly “better to receive than give,” then we’re the family for you.

And, if not, might I point you to Share Our Selves (949) 642-3451 or (949) 650-0640, Someone Cares Soup Kitchen at (949) 548-8861, Project Access at (949) 253-6200, or any of the many other organizations that are trying to provide Christmas to many families that otherwise couldn’t afford one.

I promise, you’ll feel good about yourself.

Happy holidays.

TOM JOHNSON is the publisher. Readers may leave a message for him on the Daily Pilot hotline at (714) 966-4664 or send story ideas to dailypilot@latimes.com.