THE BELL CURVE:

While I was stripping the Christmas tree of lights and ornaments last night, I felt an enormous sense of relief that I was now looking forward to baseball spring training and a visit from our French friends instead of dreading the search for a parking place at South Coast Plaza.

My fragile work ethic didn’t allow me to linger with baseball very long. A column was due the next day, and I didn’t have a clue.

The usual piffle about New Year’s resolutions was too easy and too mindless.

But maybe it could be re-tooled one more time? Which brought me around to wondering why I have steadfastly resisted such resolutions since I was first told about them by parents pushing reforms.

Answering that question was easy.

Resolutions are not made to keep and are therefore a waste of time. They are made to appease conscience. They tell us we don’t have to reform to clean up our act.

We just have to promise to reform. Then we can continue in our bad habits or embrace new ones, secure in the knowledge they are due to unusual circumstances that will be overcome as soon as our resolution kicks in. Which is probably never.

We only sanctify this process at the start of a new year. But we are constantly putting ourselves in the resolution box.

Consider, for example, the abstinence rings that some religious groups push to young people to theoretically ensure they will avoid sex until they are married.

The effect of making such a promise can only produce tons of guilt when perfectly normal and unforeseen urges violate the promise — or look for ways to circumvent it.

That is not to say that abstinence shouldn’t be an option urged on young people, only that layers of guilt should not be the only other legitimate option.

Another example comes to mind in a form letter I received from Sen. Tom Harman recently, in which he wrote:

“As your state senator, I promise never to vote for any tax increase. I believe that raising taxes is both morally wrong and fiscally irresponsible.”

I would never vote for a candidate expressing those views because I believe such a promise is irresponsible.

It cuts off my elected representative in government from a legitimate and necessary option in providing for essential services.

Again that is not to say that economy and efficiency in government are not desirable goals, but only that none of the tools of government should be excluded from the people pursuing those goals.

So to all of your who made resolutions, don’t beat yourself up if they fall by the wayside. And to everyone else, Happy New Year.

I’ve been following the brouhaha that Costa Mesa Mayor Allan Mansoor has caused by resigning his job in mid-term for a whole batch of allegedly devious reasons that mostly add up to creating a cabal in city government that will continue in perpetuity.

I haven’t been enchanted with Mansoor’s authoritarian style of governing or his policy priorities, but his latest gambit has inspired a brief bit of admiration.

I didn’t think he had the smarts to pull off something that would tap into such a cherished agenda in the U.S. as the dark conspiracy.

We are still publishing books about the part Abraham Lincoln’s secretary of war played in his assassination and why Franklin Roosevelt allowed the attack on Pearl Harbor and how Dwight Eisenhower had communist leanings.

The conspiracy theorists abounded especially in Orange County, where we had commies on every school board and in the hearts of every Democrat. And damned if Mansoor hasn’t tuned into this. As Yogi Berra allegedly liked to say, it’s déjà vu all over again.

I’m not saying here that the Mansoor conspiracy theories are baloney. They may well be true. But what intrigues me is how easily we slip into this mode by turning unclear and threatening behavior into a conspiracy — thus giving the conspirators more credit for cleverness than they may deserve.

Successful conspiracies depend on a great deal of luck and coincidence and require an uncommon number of people on the edge to remain silent.

We’ll see what develops with Mansoor. Meanwhile, he has to be credited with waking up the sleeping troops.

And, finally, a positive musing. When I walked home from a neighborhood dinner Christmas Eve, I found myself surrounded by luminaries to light my way.

This tribute to Christmas that we had created 25 years ago on a single block in what was then Santa Ana Heights had grown and flowered until the luminaries were on every block of every street, as far as I could see, showing me that humble beginnings that touch people warmly can reach out to inspire many others.

In the past, I had always participated in filling the paper bags with sand to hold the candles and then carrying them to their curbside destinations.

I wasn’t very useful, but my heart was in it. But on this Christmas Eve, I didn’t think of the work detail until it was done.

And I realized new generations had taken over the tradition and it was in good hands, and my heart wasn’t needed.

And somehow, I found that comforting this Christmas Eve.

JOSEPH N. BELL lives in Newport Beach. His column runs Thursdays.