WHAT’S SO FUNNY: Paper, silver, gold, etc.

Hope your Valentine’s Day was satisfactory. I have a soft spot for Valentine’s Day because Patti Jo and I got married right around there in 1987. The husband who forgets his anniversary is a comedy standard, but I never forget ours; I recommend marrying on or about Valentine’s Day because every year you get that national reminder.

We usually merge the two days into an “annivalaversary.” Some wives might resent this, feeling they were being romantically short-changed, but Patti Jo doesn’t mind. She’s not just pretending; she really doesn’t seem to care. I don’t pursue the implications of that.

This year, since it was our 21st anniversary, I told her we finally have an adult relationship. She probably wouldn’t get to hear lines like that if she’d married someone else. We don’t pursue the implications of that, either.

People congratulated us this year because 21 is an impressive number marriage-wise. We get more credit for marital success now than we did in years two, three and four. These early milestones don’t carry much prestige; they’re called paper or wood or tin anniversaries. I think there may be a lint anniversary.

Soon we’ll be approaching 25, and we know that’s a big one, that’s silver or uranium.

But I don’t think couples get enough credit during those crucial early years. After all, most marriages, once they’ve been rolling long enough, tend to stay in motion. If you’ve made it through 20 you’re likely to make 21. But there’s no such likelihood about 1 to 2.

The tricky years are the early ones, when your bride sees you at less than your best for the first time and finds out just how much less than your best less than your best can be.

I remember how Patti Jo reacted when she found out I intended to go to sleep with the TV on every night for the rest of my life. I later discovered she wanted me to accompany her to places like Bora Bora and Ecuador and stay in rooms with no TVs at all — while maintaining a good attitude. The good attitude is the holy grail of marriage.

I don’t have the stats on when most marriages go south, but it must be between years 1 and 11, and I think they should tie the fancy party favors to the trickiest years. Instead of handing out the booby prizes early we should roll out the silver and gold on years 5 and 10, and leave the wood and paper for 40 and 50 when the bride and groom have mastered inertia.

Meantime, we had a happy 21st annivalaversary, whether it was our aluminum or our pewter, and look forward to some more. I think we’re getting the hang of it; hoping you are the same.

SHERWOOD KIRALY is a Laguna Beach resident. He has written four novels, three of which were critically acclaimed.