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Can you dance? I can’t. I tried it once. With any luck, no one was watching.

Not only did I hurt myself, but a few people nearby also sustained minor injuries. But there certain people, some of whom you know well, who will be dancing their little shoes and big hearts out Saturday night. It’s a benefit for the Newport-Mesa Assistance League at the Westin South Coast Plaza. It’s called “Dancing for Tomorrow’s Stars,” and it’s based, tightly, on the wildly successful “Dancing with the Stars” TV series, in which celebrities pair up with professional dancers and do their best imitation of Cyd Charisse and Gene Kelly while a panel of judges thinks up snotty things to say when the music stops.

No matter what happens on Saturday night — and I’ll give you a few predictions about that later — it should be high-powered fun and it could not be for a better cause. Did you know that the Assistance League of Newport-Mesa was founded in 1940 and is the oldest philanthropic organization in the area? Neither did I, although I wasn’t around in 1940, which is surprising, because there is very little I wasn’t around for. It’s an all-volunteer operation, with more than 700 members who do everything from working in their consignment store to giving classroom presentations — all to help kids from low-income families in Newport-Mesa. They have a full-service dental clinic that treats more than 3,000 kids a year and “Operation School Bell,” which lets kids come in and pick out school supplies, shoes and clothing, all neatly displayed just like a genuine, certified real-life store.

The Community Outreach Program assists other agencies with day-care expenses, developmental education, parenting classes and scholarships for high school seniors. “Kids on the Block,” which is very cool, uses life-sized puppets in classroom presentations that teach kids about their disabled classmates and friends. Finally, “The Write Stuff” program counsels aging, hack columnists on where to find material that actually is funny. Not really. I made that up. But what does any of this to do with the rumba, the mambo and Saturday night? Keep your Capezios on, Cha Cha. We’re getting there.

In addition to raising major moola for those excellent aforementioned programs, the celebrity dancers in Saturday’s “Dancing for Tomorrow’s Stars” include a number of local luminaries like Wing “Wahoo’s” Lam, Chapman University President Jim Doti and ritzy restaurateur Charlene Prager — plus one international luminary, philanthropist-times-ten, Julia Argyros. The dancers’ smooth, or not, moves will be judged by publisher extraordinaire Ruth Ko, Orange County Marketplace maestro Jeff Teller and a newspaper publisher named Tom Johnson who hits the ball a ton and is very funny, sort of.

It is a good thing that I’m not judging because two of the people doing the boogaloo-ing are friends — Jim Doti and Julia Argyros. Did you know that Jim Doti is half-Sicilian? Not many people do, except me, but that’s why we bonded early on. Julia and Jim have at least one thing in common. They are both fearless and have already checked more things off their “Do Before You Die” lists than most people would ever dream of putting on theirs. Jim has climbed so many mountains around the world that he’s running out of mountains, in addition to running in a number of Boston Marathons. Julia’s résumé, which has to be distributed on CD because there is only so much paper to go around, includes being a licensed fly fishing guide, thank you, who runs a “Fly Fishing for Women” session in Idaho every summer. Although Saturday’s fundraiser is a competition in name only, she has another skill set that would have the other contestants worried if they haven’t seen it yet. When it comes to singing and dancing, she is really, really good, as in — really, really good.

I spoke to Julia on Friday, and she is having fun getting ready for her Saturday night live gig but, as always, is working hard to get it just right. She and David Lopez, her professional pitter-pattering partner, will do a stately bolero for their required slow dance and a white-hot salsa number for their fast dance.

“Being on a dance floor doing whatever you want is one thing,” Argyros said, “but standing offstage as they announce your name as you’re about to step into that spotlight is something else entirely.”

She and her husband, George — that’s Ambassador George to you — enjoy dancing and have tried their hand at ballroom dancing more than once. But formal dancing, where you’re expected to perform exactly this move at just the right time can cause severely elevated stress levels.

“It’s different, and it’s a stretch,” said Argyros, “but I really wanted to try because it’s such a great cause.” Couldn’t agree more, Mrs. A.

And there you have it. Good luck to one and all, may you dance like the wind, and if I had to bet, all my chips are on the girl doing the bolero who knows that there are more Toledo’s than the one in Ohio. Forward, side, together and back. I gotta go.

PETER BUFFA is a former Costa Mesa mayor. His column runs Sundays. He may be reached at ptrb4@aol.com.