WHAT’S SO FUNNY: Taking a hit from ‘The Birds’

I have a question for the ornithologists out there:

What is it that makes a large group of birds strafe a specific site? Because it’s happened to me twice lately, and I’d like to avoid it in the future if I could.

They didn’t aim at me personally, I hasten to add. I wasn’t present on either occasion. I just came upon the carnage afterward.

The first time the target was my car, in the parking lot at Hollywood Park racetrack some months ago. The second time, two weeks ago, it was our house, or rather — and even stranger — the side of our house.

I’m not talking about two or three shots; we’ve all experienced that. This was different. When I came back to my car at the track there were about 50 direct hits on it. Cars on either side were near-spotless. I drive a Camry, if that helps you on motive.

Then a couple of weeks ago I went out our sliding side door to take out the garbage and found the exterior wall of the house had been peppered, again with upward of 50 hits. This was even more remarkable, since it implied either a high wind or a high-speed approach, with the bird spackle coming in at 45 degrees.

I had to admire their accuracy. When I was a kid I watched a TV series called “12 O’Clock High,” in which Robert Lansing led a group of Allied fliers over Nazi-occupied territory to lay down a tight bomb pattern on selected targets.

Lansing would have been proud of these birds. I don’t know how they did it.

Just as baffling as how is why. Is it commentary, or an expression of disdain, as it would be if primates did it? And if so, what did I do to deserve it?

It’s true I haven’t put out a feeder or a birdbath, as my family did back in Missouri, so I haven’t been very hospitable. But I’ve never injured or insulted these birds. I’ve resisted the temptation to throw baseballs at the crows even when they’ve been at their loudest and most arrogant. Our dog doesn’t even chase them.

I don’t know, maybe it’s a compliment, a gift. Maybe the birds are showing they like my car and my house more than others. But seeing it, it’s hard to believe.

I’m curious to hear if anyone else out there has been singled out for decoration, and if so, have you found a way to win your birds over and get the bull’s-eye removed?

I suppose I could try putting in that birdbath.

But as things now stand, what we need more is a bird bathroom.

SHERWOOD KIRALY is a Laguna Beach resident. He has written four novels, three of which were critically acclaimed.