THE CROWD:

“The only thing here left to deep fry are the small children,” joked Jude Matalavage a young man working a booth at the Orange County Fair. Matalavage joined his buddy Lucas Gonzales at the Los Angeles Times subscription table watching the crowd stream by eating to their fried-heart’s content.

The 2008 OC Fair “Say Cheese” is nothing if not a celebration of fried food, a trend that started a few seasons ago with the introduction of the ubiquitous fried Twinkie. In a few short years the vendors have figured out how to fry just about anything and everything. And make no mistake, the folks love it.

This summer my first stop was the Chuck Wagon Barbecue. The brisket of beef sandwiches are always a crowd pleaser. Pretty real estate maven Sharon Grimes of Lido Isle was nibbling on a barbecue-sauce-dripping beef creation with husband, Gary, who was sampling a variety of fried and sauce-ladened fair delicacies.

There’s a giant “hot dog” spicy sausage sandwich in a longer-than-foot-long roll that’s a killer. The Grimes’ table also had a barbecued turkey leg — an old standby — fried sweet potatoes, an onion blossom and barbecued ears of corn. No, they didn’t eat it all themselves.

Balboa beauty Gretchen Mathews shared the bounty.

On the subject of fair food, Gretchen confessed, “I like anything sweet — and fried cheese on a stick, too,” Sharon Grimes joked. “Next year they’ll sell eatable fried forks to go with the cinnamon buns.” She added, “Have you tried the deep-fried apple slices with the caramel sauce?” Gretchen took her hand and off they went in search of the wickedly delicious poison.

Meanwhile, across the table Corona del Mar’s petite and sweet Aida Hobson, mortgage broker to the stars at Franklin Financial, busily chomped on one of those giant sausages that was longer than she was tall. “This is really good,” she whispered, sampling a taste of the homemade fried potato chips — yet another fair delicacy.

We all decided to leave the Chuck Wagon and head for the pig races on the other side of the fair.

Arriving at the pig track with moments to spare, we took our seats in the grandstand as a very tall and thin young man handled the announcer duties in the center of the ring.

The whole thing was right out of the movie “State Fair” as the young man offered the obligatory “ready, set and go.”

The cage opened and around they went. It was all over so fast, just like a night at the fair. All the sounds, sights and smells race through your head, intoxicating and disorienting the most sensible among us.

Where else do you wait a year to replenish your jewelry cleaner at Elva’s booth, or buy the juicer you’ve always wanted, or the foot massage gizmo, or maybe even that ginormous above-ground swim-jet spa.

At Elva’s I ran into a newly engaged couple, Gina Denio and Jason Sherrill, from Orange.

She was having her brand new ring cleaned, and he was standing back holding the big stuffed animal they had won — a picture right out of the Americana scrapbook of wholesomeness. They proudly shared, “We got engaged on the Fourth of July.”

Outside of the crafts building I ran into two terrific gals from Ontario, Tina Hix and Thelma Wallace. They both had funnel cakes with whipped cream as high as the Ferris wheel. Yet another couple, Kimberly and Robert Haas, were very busy enjoying frozen chocolate bananas covered in sprinkles.

Our pal Gretchen Mathews, who is a size 2 by the way, was living up to her dream of having anything sweet, sampling the large decorated cupcakes available at the pink-and-white cake truck that is right out of a scene from “The Music Man.”

Walking farther down the midway past every possible slice of life (and pizza), we were too late for the petting zoo. The animals had gone to bed, the lights were out. Enough petting for one day.

So, not to miss out, we doubled back to the barns and hugged the steers in their pens. Yes, cows need love before retiring for the night, too. Try hugging a cow, it’s all the therapy you’ll ever need ensuring that all is still OK with the world.

The OC Fair runs through Aug. 3.

THE CROWD runs Thursdays and Saturdays.