CHASING DOWN THE MUSE: Giving the gift of friendship

“I get by with a little help from my friends.”

As we arrive at this Friday in December 2008 the holiday season is fully upon us.

As far back as the time of the Roman Empire, this is traditionally the season of gift-giving.

Even in this year of economic hardship for so many, I hear people speaking of ways in which they might still give.

We give to strangers in gifts of charity. We try to come up with the things that members of our family both need and will treasure while keeping costs down. Special friends may also find their names on our lists.

But what of the simplest gifts — the gift of friendship, the gift of time together, of social connectedness — for both family and friends?

It does not require much to connect with friends, old and new.

It is a gift we can give both to self and to friends. Meet for a cup of coffee or tea, walk together, watch the sunset or sunrise in the chatter of shared moments or in silence; volunteer together; just sit with a friend. A short note to a friend at a distance is a way to let them know you think of them often. A phone call to just say hi can say that you care and would like to stay connected.

What else are we really looking for, anyway, but this connectedness? What greater gift?

Stores have been decorated for the holiday season seemingly forever, and bargains and extended hours abound. Instead of wandering malls looking for something in sheer frustration, use the same time to make these small connections.

The best part of the season (and any time, for that matter) is just being with the people we care about and who care about us. The greatest gift can be that of time and being present to and for each other.

Spur of the moment, invite a few friends over for potluck. A friend and I did this together recently and the rewards were many.

Laughing together, sharing stories, an exchange of mostly handmade ornaments, enjoying the variety of foods (including truly yummy Brussels sprouts) — all this brought us together for a delightful social afternoon. Even in the busy moments of holiday time, this was so worth the doing.

As we were all leaving, the general consensus seemed to be that this event should be a new annual tradition.

For myself, I vote for more often than that.

What about coming together to create Valentine’s Day cards sometime in February? Or a winter gathering to make “stone soup” and simply celebrate being friends? The list could go on and on.

There are so many opportunities to share time together. It may take a little effort, but the investment is so very worthwhile.

“There are some things I’d certainly recommend for what people would call successful aging. One of them is, in fact, to have a sense of social connectedness.”

Friends challenge us mentally and often physically. While e-mailing and social websites like Facebook are fine, they are limited.

These provide a connectedness, but it is not the same gift as that of being together in person.

“LOL” is hardly as healthful as a good belly laugh with friends over some absurdity or other.

Set a regular time to walk with a friend and you create a healthy habit for both of you. The social connection — of any kind — leads to greater longevity and positive health. A greater sense of self-control and self-determination has been found in many studies to emanate from being connected in social ways with others.

While a gift is a voluntary act not requiring anything in return, the rewards of the gift of friendship can be many and can reverberate on into a limitless future — that longevity spoken of by Buettner.

So, as this season winds to its end and a new year of hope rises before us, I seek to remember the words of author Robert Louis Stevenson.

He was an eccentric, somewhat sickly child who spent a good deal of time alone, yet as an adult he wrote, “A friend is a gift you give yourself.”

The gift this great writer had for words is no less true over passing time.

Let us all give ourselves this gift and pay it forward as well. This year, give the gift of friendship.

CHERRIL DOTY is an artist, writer and creative coach exploring and enjoying the many mysteries of life in the moment alone and with friends. She can be reached by e-mail at cherril@cherrildoty.com or by phone at (949) 251-3883.