Kids These Days:

Our family celebrated my wife’s birthday by going to Disneyland on Friday.

We ate dinner outside of the park, after which my daughter, Kaitlyn, asked me if it was OK to go get some ice cream a few doors down from the restaurant.

“You’re 18 and you have your own money,” I said. “It’s up to you.”

“Force of habit,” she replied, and off she went.

Five days later, Kaitlyn called me at 2:30 p.m., clearly anxious about something that was happening on the campus at UCI, where she is a student.

“Dad, there’s a guy on campus with a gun.”

When I asked how she knew, she told me that her friend, Devon, is a subscriber to the school’s “ZotAlert” program, which sends text messages to students, faculty and staff whenever there is a campus emergency.

She was walking back to her dormitory room and did not know what to do.

“Get off the sidewalk,” I said. “Get inside any building right now and find a place to hide, anyplace, even under a desk.”

Because she was close to her dorm, she ran to her room and closed and locked the door. About an hour later, the “all clear” message came over the ZotAlert system.

Since that phone call, I learned that Kaitlyn’s friend was an hour behind the report of the man with the gun because she had turned off her cell phone.

We know now that the “man with a gun” was likely some paint-ball or air-gun enthusiast on his way to a game and posed no threat to anyone.

We also know that since that day, more than 1,000 people have registered to receive ZotAlert messages. Kaitlyn, however, was not one of them.

Whether one’s son or daughter is an adult still getting permission to eat ice cream or a student in trouble, the old saying is true: Your kids will always be your kids.

The UCI incident presents a good time to recommend one of the best parenting books available. This book is a must read for children 13 and older, but especially girls and young women.

The book is called, “The Gift of Fear,” and was written by Gavin de Becker, a security consultant who has worked with many of the top politicians and celebrities in the country.

De Becker’s book was published in 1998 and appeared on the New York Times bestseller list for about four months.

I cannot state the importance and power of this book better than what appears on de Becker’s website: “In ‘The Gift of Fear,’ de Becker draws on his extensive expertise to explode the myth that most violent acts are random and unpredictable and shows that they usually have discernible motives and are preceded by clear warning signs.

“Through dozens of compelling stories from his own career and life, he unravels the complexities of violent behavior and details the pre-incident indicators (PINs) that can determine if someone poses a danger to us.”

The book posits that humans have a built-in warning system, which alerts them to danger, and de Becker describes how to recognize when we are threatened. Most of the time, we just know; we can feel it.

But, sadly, many times we do not act on those feelings because we are too embarrassed about making a scene or too worried about upsetting the potential perpetrator. That’s when the bad guys take over.

De Becker teaches readers not just how to recognize unsafe situations, but also how to avoid them and what to do once we find ourselves confronted with a potentially dangerous person.

Everyone should read this book, but it is a must-read for teen girls and young adult women. These age groups typically do not have the life experiences to know when they are in danger. De Becker’s website is www.gavindebecker.com.

Kaitlyn has promised me that she will sign up for the ZotAlert program this week. As her reward, I may take her out for some ice cream.

STEVE SMITH is a Costa Mesa resident and a freelance writer. Send story ideas to dailypilot@latimes.com .