Kids These Days:

Most of us have to go through life earning respect. We have to earn it from our family, from our co-workers and, if one’s a politician, respect has to be earned from our constituents. Respect usually comes from hard work, honesty and treating others with respect. If you are the president of the United States, you command respect, regardless of whether it is deserved.

Here in Newport-Mesa, our teachers are supposed to get respect in the classroom, but often find that they have to command it by being more forceful than they’d like. The incivility between students is shocking, too. Where the weaker kids once had to face only a barrage of name-calling, today they can be the subjects of worldwide harassment.

Last January, three Corona del Mar students made a video in which they threatened to rape and kill a female classmate, and they used slurs to describe homosexuals. Then they posted it on the Facebook profile of a fourth student who reportedly threatened the young woman at school.

Where does this come from? Where in the world do these kids get the idea that this is OK? And by posting it online, do they feel some immunity from punishment, or are they just stupid?

There has been much talk about the disrespect recently shown by several public figures. Many are wondering whether the nation has entered a phase of incivility. Daily and locally, parents and teachers are witnessing the results of years of the media cultivation of incivility. In some cases, though, we have brought this upon ourselves. You see, in a small number of these acts of incivility, the victim has to assume some responsibility.

The president is a good example. President Obama’s style has encouraged a level of communication that is more folksy than executive; one that invites an informality that has no place in the Oval Office. Where other presidents went out of their way to dress the part, Obama seems more at ease without a tie, often without a jacket and often rolling up his shirt sleeves, as though that is some sort of signal that he is hard at work, one of the qualifications for earning respect. Obama’s supreme “one of the guys” comments came Sept. 16 when he realized that his “jackass” comment about rapper Kanye West had been recorded. In an effort to halt its distribution, Obama said, “C’mon guys. Cut the president some slack. I’ve got a lot of other stuff on my plate.”

Excuse me, sir? “Cut the president some slack?” “A lot of other stuff on my plate?” That’s how I talk; that is not how I want my president to talk, particularly after he is complaining about a workload for which he worked several years to acquire. The president’s style does not excuse the lack of respect he was shown during his speech Sept. 9, but it may help to explain it.

Teachers and parents who try the Obama method of relating to students and children could very well suffer a similar fate. In both cases a clear line has to be drawn between teacher and student and parent and child. Teachers can start by dressing the part. Yes, that means ties for boys and a ban on jeans for all students. Oh, and please cover up your tattoos and make sure that your thong underwear isn’t showing.

Parents can start by drawing firm boundaries for behavior, something that will also help teachers.

Dressing as though one is in a position of authority isn’t going to solve the incivility problem, but it is an important first step. Studies have shown that a professional work attire affects one’s image.

The alternative to looking and sounding like someone in a position of authority is to teach kids that we’re all equal. We’re not.

Until they are 18, kids are minors and need to know that they are subject to the rules established at home and school.

It’s either that or more online videos. You pick.

STEVE SMITH is a Costa Mesa resident and a freelance writer. Send story ideas to dailypilot@latimes.com .