Comments & Curiosities:

Do you want to buy it? The Orange County fairgrounds. You might as well. Everybody else does.

In the still-unfolding disaster called California state government, which is peering into a smoking, sulfur-spewing hole of $24 billion-plus in its annual budget, someone up there has decided to sell off a number of state facilities, including the Ventura County, Del Mar and Orange County fairgrounds.

You’ve probably heard of the last one. In an estimate that could only be described as delusional — and that’s if we were being nice about it — the state has pegged the potential cash from selling off the various fairgrounds somewhere between $500 million and $900 million.

How they arrived at that figure might explain why the state budget process is out of control, off the chain, hurtling down a narrow mountain road at 70 miles an hour with no brakes and a 50-gallon container of gasoline in the trunk.

One of the odd things about being in state government, and there are many, is that there is no requirement whatsoever to know anything about local government in general, or something called entitlements, to be specific.

A patch of dirt is worth no more and no less than what you are entitled to build on it, and every patch of dirt comes equipped with one or more government agencies that decide what that is.

Fifty acres of dirt that are entitled to two office buildings, a boutique hotel, high-density residential and a commercial core with restaurants, retail, a bowling alley and a 28-screen theater are worth a little tiny teeny bit more than the same 50 acres zoned for a dog park. So who makes the call on entitlements? Depends.

For the Del Mar fairgrounds, it’s the city of Del Mar, the county of San Diego and, drum roll please, the Coastal Commission — which means that if you file an application for a zoning change at the Del Mar facility no later than this Wednesday, you would be done in the year 2521 and the answer would be “go away.”

As far as the Orange County fairgrounds is concerned, it’s a city called Costa Mesa, and over the past 25 years the city has said about 100 times, a 150 maybe, that the only use that is acceptable on the fairgrounds is…a fairgrounds, or something very much like it. Is that complicated? Apparently, in Sacramento, it is.

Using the same “what entitlements?” math by which they came up with $500 million to $900 million for the three sites, Sacramento has somehow decided that the Orange County facility is worth between $90 million and $180 million. Yeah, that’s it. Wait. Is that a pig flying by? No, I guess not.

Personally, I like the idea of reconstituting the Fair Board as a nonprofit entity that partners with the city to keep the place going as a primo fairgrounds and exhibition center.

But I think there are some other possibilities that have been totally ignored so far and I don’t understand why. I have researched this stuff very carefully, as always. Don’t thank me. It’s my job.

You could make it a cemetery. You could call it something like, I don’t know, Holy Perpetual Newport-Mesa. Very green, zero noise impacts and the traffic is next to nothing. No? Wait. I got more.

The city of Costa Mesa buys the place and puts up a gigantic, civic icon.

Think of the Gateway Arch, which is in St. Louis, or the Eiffel Tower, which is not, or the Seattle Space Needle, which is in Seattle.

You could hold a global competition for what the icon should be.

It would to have to be tasteful, low-maintenance and tall enough to be seen from downtown L.A. or San Diego, which would be a great tag line in ads but might make the FAA a tough sell.

Or wait, how about the largest skateboard/bark park in the world? One hundred and fifty acres of half pipes, ramps and grind rails, with 500 boarders being chased by 200 barking dogs. I don’t think it would get approved, but it would definitely build support for a cemetery.

Or, you could do a new NFL stadium, as long as you don’t mind a 21-story parking structure, or an amusement park maybe, as long as all the rides were solar-powered and everybody was really quiet.

I think that’s it. I am done, spent, out of ideas. But that doesn’t apply to you. Send me your ideas, and I will pass them on to the city and the Fair Board. And remember, there are no dumb ideas — just really bad ones.

If the state can say the place is worth $180 million with a straight face, we can be just as dysfunctional. You just have to focus. I gotta go.

PETER BUFFA is a former Costa Mesa mayor. His column runs Sundays. He may be reached at ptrb4@aol.com .