Kids These Days:

Year-end predictions have been a tradition in this space for many years, and while there is no tally on which have actually happened, it is safe to say that the number is very low.

But, that’s what happens when you stick your neck out. The easy thing to do is to recap the year. Everyone does it and it’s all the same story: the deaths of important people, the condition of the economy and the usual entertainment scandals. This year, Tiger Woods wears that green jacket.

On Sunday, for example, the Los Angeles Times ran some good predictions by Reed Johnson, not for 2010, but for 2020. “Good,” in this case, means wacky and they included this doozy: “Gustavo Dudamel, 38, the Venezuelan former wunderkind, now one of the world’s premier maestros, signs a 10-year contract renewal as music director of the Los Angeles Philharmonic. To mark the occasion, Dudamel leads the Phil in a marathon performance of all 10 Mahler symphonies, which he conducts entirely from memory, in backward order, while dribbling a soccer ball. Philharmonic patrons in the ‘bleacher’ seats behind the orchestra, the section known as “Dude-o-wood,” wear ‘Dude’ wigs made out of surplus recycled faux-dreadlocks once sold at Dodger Stadium to honor a long-forgotten slugger named Manny Something or Other.”

As usual, this year-end column is dedicated to the spirit of Charles “Criswell” King, an eccentric prognosticator who stuck his neck out farther than anyone in the prediction business. Criswell predicted, for example, that John F. Kennedy would not run for reelection in 1964 because “something was going to happen to him in November 1963.” Criswell also predicted that the world will end on the morning of the winter solstice in the year 2012, which is the last day of the cycle of the Mayan calendar.

So without further delay, here are the local predictions for 2010:

 The Newport Beach City Council will change its mind once again and vote to resurrect the Ruben E. Lee, which will serve as a floating city hall. Yes, there will be a restaurant attached so residents can dine while waiting for plan checks.

 Allan Mansoor will win the state Assembly seat for which he is running, despite Costa Mesa’s abysmal track record on his watch. He will fit right in with the rest of the drones in Sacramento who have brought down the state economy.

 The pending closing of the Borders store on 19th Street and Newport Boulevard in Costa Mesa will be the third major book store in the area to close, following Barnes & Noble in Triangle Square and Crown Books across the street in the Courtyard shopping center. The Borders closing will trigger an investigation as to whether Costa Mesans read books.

 In an effort to stop the revenue hemorrhage, Newport Beach and Costa Mesa will eliminate street sweeping, asking residents to sweep their own streets. If this works, they will be asked to take their garbage to the dump weekly.

 A smart otolaryngologist will open up an office directly across from Chronic Tacos in Triangle Square. There, he will do a huge business seeing patients who have just left the restaurant with ringing in their ears.

 Two people, one in each of the traffic departments of Costa Mesa and Newport Beach, will have the same idea at the same time. They will realize that Newport Boulevard does not need a tunnel, bridge or freeway extension and that all it really needs to keep traffic moving is to synchronize the street’s traffic lights.

 In an effort to reduce the perception that district school buses carry an average of two students per day, the district will contract with the county’s ACCESS transportation program to take seniors around town while kids are in school.

Have a safe and happy new year.

STEVE SMITH is a Costa Mesa resident and a freelance writer. Send story ideas to dailypilot@latimes.com .