Sounding Off:

Editor’s note: The following is the first of two parts on Chuck Cassity’s predictions for 2010.

Here are my New Year’s predictions:

1. Having started every speech, e-mail, and Op-Ed piece, and Facebook and Twitter posting with the phrase, “My Friends,” John McCain, upon discovering that he has no friends, will make the solemn New Year’s resolution to never use that salutation again.

2. The new health-care-reform legislation finally passes both houses of Congress in late February. Thank God. But wait a minute! The taxes and fees and fines will kick in Jan. 1, but no one will get any new health insurance until 2014, or maybe 2015.

3. In his feverish quest to create jobs, not knowing that the only jobs government creates are government jobs, the president will force the passage of legislation requiring all restaurants to hire unionized government calorie marshals. These folks will compare the Body Mass Index of every restaurant patron with the calories of the meal to be ordered before allowing the transaction to proceed. Predictably, more than 500,000 restaurants will close within the first month.

4. Sarah Palin will be given her own cooking show by the Food Network. It will be titled, “Moose: It’s What’s for Dinner.”

5. Fox News will hire a female anchor who is neither gorgeous nor an attorney. Their viewership will drop by 20%.

6. Stung by criticism from the millions of critics of mandated health insurance and the ever-growing federal debt, who gathered to protest throughout the summer and fall of 2009, the Obama administration, over the objections of Tetley and Lipton, will outlaw tea. No tea, the thinking will go, no parties. Makes sense to me.

7. The latest seasonal blizzard on record will hit Colorado in July. I’m seeing drifts 10 feet deep with all major highways and airports closed for several days. Al Gore will fly in on his Gulfstream 2 and offer this climatic event up as absolute proof that global warming exists and that we’re all going to die a fiery death if we don’t start riding our bikes to work. Environmentalists will burn a Chevy Tahoe in celebration, which will significantly pollute the atmosphere.

CHUCK CASSITY lives in Costa Mesa.