Comments & Curiosities:

Major news this week. Are you ready? Write this down: There’s a lot of money in Newport Beach. I am shocked. Are you? Apparently, Portfolio.comPortfolio.com, an online business journal, crunched the numbers, crunched them again, thought really hard, thought some more, then made this startling announcement — there’s a lot of money in Newport Beach.

Portfolio says that in terms of per capita income and land values, Newport Beach is the wealthiest place in the entire U.S. of A., which means here. It reminds me of a Jay Leno line from one of his monologues: “Some government think-tank just released a study that showed that women who have had a few drinks tend to be more interested in sex. I guess you have to work in a government think-tank to think that needed a study.”

The original item posted on Portfolio.com begins with a well-deserved apology to Charles Dickens for mangling “A Tale of Two Cities” opening lines: “It was the best of times in Newport Beach, it was the worst of times in Reading.” That’s Reading, as in Pennsylvania.

Among U.S. cities with more than 75,000 people, Newport Beach wins the per capita income trophy at $86,586, more than triple the national average of $27,589, with Reading dead last, at $14,120. The number of households in reading pulling down $200,000 or more a year is exactly, well, zero, which is very few.

Of course, around here people consider $200,000 a year as just scraping by. Holding down the bottom five slots in the dash for cash are Camden, New Jersey; Flint, Mich.; Brownsville, Texas; and Gary, Ind.

The median value of homes in Newport is $1 million, referred to locally as a “fixer upper.” Only one other city matches that — Santa Barbara — which is above your head and slightly to the left. Right behind Newport Beach in the dough derby is Newton, Mass., outside Boston.

Been there, seen it, very lovely, it deserves the ranking. Its biggest claim to fame in my opinion though, much bigger than the bling thing, is that Fig Newtons were named for the city of Newton. Now there is American history that means something. In 1991, the city and Nabisco hosted a 100th birthday for the chewy little cookie, complete with a 100-inch Fig Newton, hope they had milk, and topped it off with a Juice Newton concert.

I appreciate all the hard work by the folks at Portfolio, but even without the study, many of us have suspected there was lots of money in Newport Beach for quite some time.

Personally, talking about money or what someone makes or what their house is worth may not be the most boring subject in the world, but it’s definitely in the running. Don’t know and don’t care, with one exception: pennies. They make me crazy.

Why are they still here? I don’t get it. You can’t buy anything with them, you can’t do anything with them, they’re not even copper anymore — they’re zinc. Bogus. Do you know how calling police “cops” and “coppers” started? Years ago police badges were almost always made of copper, thus the nickname.

Isn’t that interesting? OK, maybe not. I have a confession to make. The penny thing isn’t just a monetary issue with me. I am superstitious, a lot, and I think pennies are bad luck. There have been a number of unfortunate events in my life, some stupidity-induced, that all involved pennies in one way or another.

No need to go into the details, which are even less interesting than the cops/coppers story, if that’s possible. I’m against all change. Certain coins I’m OK with. Being a former Right Coaster, I always keep a stash of quarters in the car for the occasional parking meter or Starbucks skinny vanilla latte, one pump, or when you forgot to hit the ATM and you’re slowly losing consciousness from hunger and need an emergency burrito. Quarters yes, pennies never.

I have told store clerks for years, “Keep the pennies, don’t need them back, thanks.” For a long time it didn’t register and they would hand them to me anyway. I would just leave them on the counter with a polite but slightly derisive smile, which is hard to do but if you practice you can do it. I am by no means the only person who has asked why do pennies still exist, other than to annoy us, and it has become something of an issue.

Recently, I have noticed a subtle change, an attitude adjustment, a ray of hope. More and more sales people and checkers are doing it automatically — rounding up the change to the nearest nickel in your favor.

Example: I order the double-bacon jalapeño burger, large fries, molten lava brownie and a diet Coke. The tab is $8.77. I hand the clerk a ten, she hands me a single and a quarter. Not three pennies and two dimes, not three pennies, one dime and two nickels, just a quarter. This is huge. It is morning in America. It means I am not alone and someone has heard me, sort of.

I think that’s it. Million-dollar teardowns, Fig Newtons and pennies. Take a stand. Throw those things away. The pennies, not the Fig Newtons. You’ll feel better about yourself. I know I do. I gotta go.

PETER BUFFA is a former Costa Mesa mayor. His column runs Sundays. He may be reached at ptrb4@aol.com