City Life:

Radio talk show host Dr. Laura Schlessinger has cost me a lot of money — about a million dollars over the last 18 years, by my rough calculations.

But rather than picket her house, I owe her a great debt. When I began listening to her program in 1992, my daughter was 2 1/2 years old, my son a newborn.

It was Dr. Laura’s relentless hammering of the message of keeping kids out of day care that caused us to change much about the way we’d planned to raise our children. Along the way, we carved out time to see nearly every school play, every athletic event and participate in most of the classroom activities. For a while, I was on my daughter’s elementary school playground in the afternoons, leading kids through games.

The million dollars was lost through not advancing my career because it would have cut into my “kid time,” and it was worth every cent and more.

Today, parenting is more of a challenge. When our kids were young, there was no Internet, no iPod and cell phones were too expensive for the average Joe. Today, not only do parents have to be more vigilant than ever, they also have to deal with financial issues as a result of the recession.

The conditions are so intense that a few days ago, a friend asked: “Can I retire from parenting?”

Millions of homes are struggling financially. Those who have the good fortune to have maintained their incomes are probably working more hours to do so and are finding their job stress level at an all-time high.

With the onset of this perfect storm of troubles, I turned to one source I can always depend on for good advice, and asked Dr. Laura what parents should tell their kids if their home situation has been seriously affected by the economy. I broke it down into two questions, that is, what should parents say and do to kids too young to understand but who know something is happening, and what to say to the older ones who can comprehend the situation.

“Adults should shoulder the burden of adult issues and not panic or worry very small children with things they don’t understand,” Dr. Laura said. “Any changes in the children’s lives should be minimized and parents should definitely not display anger or anxiety in front of children.

“Older children can be brought into the mix only if they are told the facts without hysteria and invited to come up with ideas and/or actions which will help the family carry on. Children do quite well with situations when their thoughts are respected, when they are reassured that parents will find a way to take care of the problems, and they are offered the opportunity to participate in the solutions.”

She then offered a short but important list of behaviors for recession-battered parents:

(1) No hysteria

(2) No taking concerns out on your spouse, kids or the family dog

(3) More recreation to reduce stress

(4) More fun with your spouse and children to experience the joys that are still available

On those last two points, Dr. Laura is clearly stating that these activities do not have to cost money: watching a movie, taking a walk or run, shooting hoops, knocking a tennis ball around, playing cards or a board game — the list is endless.

Kids are watching parents work through this adversity and learning how to deal with setbacks and the accompanying stress. What they are learning from them right now may be the most important lesson they will learn in their entire lives. So, parents, remember that everything you do and say today will have an effect on your children tomorrow. If you want them to grow up smart and strong, this is the time when you really need to be smart and strong.

And, no, you can’t retire from this job.

STEVE SMITH is a Costa Mesa resident and a freelance writer. Send story ideas to smi161@aol.com.