Out of the Blue: A faraway look at the council candidates

I’m sitting in the top floor of an 18th-century apartment in Istanbul, overlooking the maritime bustle of the Bosphorus, towering mosques and minarets in the distance, and ruminating over who will be on the Laguna Beach City Council when I get back.

You’d think I’d have more pressing things to think about, like whether I will be abducted in a country that borders Syria and Iraq. Or whether my newly grown beard and claim that I’m from Canada will fool anyone. Or whether I will get back into my country after the next leg of my journey, Africa. Or how I can calm my hysterical Jewish mother. But I just can’t quit you, Laguna.

It’s been quite the election season, full of rancor, intrigue and charlatans — all the things we covet in the media. I was lucky enough to spend an hour interviewing each of the candidates on my radio show (except Kelly Boyd because of a scheduling conflict). Here are my very superficial musings on the candidates.

These are by no means the views or endorsements of the Coastline Pilot or my radio station, but they reflect the addled opinion of someone who would like to see some new ideas to move our town into the 21st century. Think multimodal transportation, public space and resilience.

Here’s my rundown:

Jon Madison: Thank you for providing one of the most entertaining candidacies this town has ever seen. The array of stories, explanations and incongruencies has riveted our community. The fact that you still have ardent supporters speaks to what a popular man you are. If you are elected I look forward to what you can imagine for this city.

Eli Grossman: If you could put as much energy, passion and single-minded focus into West Africa as you have ridding Laguna of our police force, you could eradicate Ebola.

Paul Merritt: We’ve enjoyed getting to know you better. And what a nice guy you are, despite the fact that you came out in support of the appeal to the Coastal Commission of Mark Christy’s Aliso Creek Inn — now The Ranch at Laguna Beach — restoration. That’s like telling a congregation there is no God.

Michele Hall: It’s refreshing to see in the race someone who’s not a member of AARP and is focused on important issues no one else is talking about, like water conservation and a skate park. Still, can you reconsider your position on climate change, considering you have a bachelor of science degree?

Rob Zur Schmiede: With a lifelong career in city planning, you seem to have the chops for developing realistic, doable civic improvements. But when you told me your big idea was to restore civility to politics, I was crestfallen. Incivility is what got us out of the parking garage debacle. It’s what got our country away from the British. And it’s what got the public excited about you when Alan Simon accused the Planning Commission of doing nothing. Plus, it makes great newspaper copy.

Kelly Boyd: How can you not like Boyd? He’s a cancer survivor, and his bucket list is to serve another term. If it were me, I’d change the b in bucket to f and head for, say, Istanbul and Africa.

Toni Iseman: You are cunning and savvy and empathetic and possibly headed for a historic fifth term. What makes Iseman tick? I don’t know, but every time I get mad at her she charms me. I even endorsed her after swearing to myself I wouldn’t.

Bottom line, we’ve got a bunch of really nice, sincere people running for office, but I wish I heard something new. Every election, it seems the big theme is public safety, like we’re living in South Central. Great soundbites, but come on, folks, it’s Laguna. We leave our doors unlocked.

How about some big ideas to make sure we are secure with out water, food and energy, safe for bikers and pedestrians, prepared to mitigate more cars and traffic, and fearlessly committed to more public space? It takes a lot of moxie to make these things happen. Let’s hope our next three council members, whoever they might be, have it in spades and just weren’t playing their cards yet.

BILLY FRIED is the chief paddling officer of La Vida Laguna and member of the board of Transition Laguna. He can be reached at billy@lavidalaguna.com.